If there is one scary figure of motherhood, it is the overwhelmed mother. Motherhood always means excessive demands, so that we can at best speak of a gradual shift on the scale that oscillates between situational excessive demands and total burnout. The ideal of motherhood demands nothing less than total love – so it’s no wonder if total exhaustion follows. Before there was Long Covid, there was Long maternity. To give unconditional love to a being who will eventually reach puberty, in which it will hate or ignore us, is enough of the demand. Even toddlers do not skimp on frustrating experiences; Nocturnal attacks of diarrhea and stomach contents distributed in the room in Pollockian fashion, which forever destroy any interior-related ambition of the mother, are just two of the many surprises that the toddler has to offer the overwhelmed parents. Interestingly, however, it is not the regularly occurring illness of a child, which is catastrophic in its effects on bed linen and wall coverings, that is really overwhelming.
Far worse are the problems of the child, which are difficult to remedy because the mother is deprived of their effectiveness, because they make us see our powerlessness. It is also unfavorable if events with a calamitous effect occur – just think of a pandemic. Against this background, we should be surprised that even more mothers do not complain of being overwhelmed. What is the opposite of that? Sure, the taboo! The following rule applies: As a mother, you can be overwhelmed, but you shouldn’t let it show. In the arsenal of the overwhelmed mother there are some weapons and tactical tricks for this; they range from bribery with one more consequence Wicki and the strong men to the secret retreat to the quiet place in order to finally be able to study the new interior design magazine in peace. Even children should be able to respect gastroenteric needs (spoiler: no!).
The admission of excessive demands, possibly the acceptance of an offer of help by the youth welfare office, appears all the more difficult, the more stable the mother’s social situation is based on her class affiliation. The middle-class mother tends to find out that she is too overwhelmed and, if necessary, prefer to seek psychotherapeutic counseling herself (a bit neurotic is somehow also chic) than to subject the child to assessment by external authorities. The single and / or uneducated and / or working class mother knows much less scruples; after all, she has long since got used to the fact that her upbringing practice is subject to strict social observation.
Afternoon TV formats (who has time to watch TV at this time?) Like My child, your child are rich in condescending remarks about parents who seem to be permanently overwhelmed with the upbringing of their children. Now I have fundamental doubts about the type of education propagated there at the level of a dog school (with a firm hand and clear commands); I once blew up a party with the sentence that you couldn’t raise a child at all and that was probably not the aim of the matter either, whereupon a non-father present was so furious that I was afraid he would be able to tell me at any moment prove his bad upbringing. He didn’t carve any for me. But I hold on to it: you cannot educate. Perhaps only the overwhelmed mother is speaking from me.
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