“This is a personal song for me, reflecting my struggles with addiction. Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be clean and yet the disease I have is always present, it always follows me. The record explores the presence of addiction in every aspect of my life and how pervasive it can be And cunning,” said the rapper. The first verse of the song begins with reflections on friendships that ended early, including one with a guy named “Malcolm” – apparently in reference to his friend Mac Miller, who died of an overdose in September 2018.
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The musician revealed earlier this year his slide back into drugs during the coronavirus pandemic, which came 12 years after he first began his recovery journey in 2008, when his father helped get him into treatment for drug and alcohol abuse. “It was really painful for myself and the people who loved me. I stopped doing the work. When I have to be still and exist inside my head, that’s where my disease lives. I don’t have to pretend that I’m some perfect guy in recovery. I’m not at all and there’s no shame in that.”