my dazzling friend* [소소칼럼]

I became acquainted with H when I was a senior in high school. I knew who was across from me, but up until then we only knew each other’s names.

I had no talent in any field, so I had no choice but to study hard at school, but H was a friend who was talented at studying. Whether it was a mock exam or an internal exam, I was able to get first place only in subjects where I slipped on an H, except for Korean. Especially in math, I couldn’t catch up with H.

H had things I didn’t have. H was tall and had a white face. I was small and black. The protruding white forehead gave weight to the child’s pale eyes and mouth. H’s habit of sweeping his black hair from his forehead to the back of his head always stirred up an unknown yearning in my young heart. I was already small, but even my forehead was narrow and flat, so my face looked more timid and petty than anyone else’s. Now, due to aging, the eyebrows are sagging and the look is at least acceptable. Time doesn’t just give us shit.

I’m still not good at games, but H really liked games and was good at them. At that time, a mobile game in which we had to move and pull out cars stuck in a crowded parking lot was popular in our class. No matter how difficult the stage was, if H flicked his finger on the AirPod a few times, the car stuck in the corner would somehow get out. When playing ‘Angry Birds,’ H’s bird always flew the furthest and longest. In Tetris terms, H was a ‘classroom corner faker’ who laid the foundation with secret neatness and then turned the game around by inserting an ‘I’ block in one corner at a critical moment.

Naturally, H, who thought he would go to a better university than me, went to a local university whose name I had never heard of. He said he wanted to become an air traffic controller, but to do that he had to go to that university. I didn’t even know what an air traffic controller was at that time. Because he was a smart guy, he passed the exam even before graduating from college. While I was in the midst of studying to enter the media, H began to command one by one planes from all over the world to and from Incheon. Like pulling out a car stuck in a parking lot, with the courage to point out the clearest path to take at a murky crossroads in life, H’s fingers were unfailingly pointing precisely to the path each person should take.

Incheon International Airport‘s Terminal 2. Provided by Incheon International Airport Corporation”/>

The sun is rising next to the control tower on the apron of Incheon International Airport’s Terminal 2. Provided by Incheon International Airport Corporation

Even when I was studying to be a journalist and even after becoming a journalist, I often felt anxious about this life. When I had a tiring day, I thought of H. Looking back, I think there has rarely been a time in my life when I felt like where I was standing was my place. That’s why I coveted H’s superpower, which seemed to always recognize his place. One time, I was drunk and told H everything. I found it strange that you didn’t go to a good university in Seoul, but now you seem to have achieved your dreams and are living a very good life. H answered with a flushed face. “Chae-eun, why shouldn’t I have any worries? “I envy you”

H, who liked Kang Dong-won during his school days, seemed to have realized his dream. This is because I found a groom who looks a little like Kang Dong-won if you pass by him at the speed of Usain Bolt. Back then, I wasn’t H’s best friend, but I was in the group of about 10 people, and I sang a congratulatory song with a few other kids at H’s wedding.

Funny enough, I was the first to cry. First, it was because the wedding dress that covered the entire upper body, which brides in their 20s rarely choose, suited H very well, and second, it was because the eyes of Kang Dong-won, who was talking next to her, were insanely innocent. ‘He’ Kang Dong-won may have known things like the length of H’s eyelashes, his body temperature at dawn, and his breathing during a nap, but he had no way of knowing the dance moves that send angry birds flying.

H, who recently met with the members of the choir, showed up with a full stomach. I hadn’t gained much weight, but my white forehead was covered in blemishes. With our hands on her pregnant belly, we asked out of courtesy, “Can I touch it?” H had already surrendered his stomach and smiled and said yes, try touching it.

“What is your birth name?” “Tundun-i” “Really, just like you, I was born with a nerd” “LOL why” “Someone I know said that the baby’s birth name was ‘Hanbang-i’. I didn’t ask why… .” “H, have your armpits turned black too?” “Yes, yes, it turned black.” “Oh, they say it will come back to normal after the baby is born.” “But…” Is that real? Big Pie… .” “LOL I didn’t get to a big pie.” “Then it’s a medium pie.” “LOL. It’s a medium pie, not big.” “I thought pregnancy would definitely make it really big, but no? “My mom is a big wave, but I’m a raisin.” “That’s because your mom is naturally big.” … .

It was small for my son’s stomach. I felt like it was because the child found exactly where he was supposed to be, like the volume of I flipping over the Tetris board. H stroked his hair less often than before and stroked his swollen belly just as often. Then, he said, sometimes he could touch the baby’s feet. Even when we were telling silly jokes and clinking beer glasses immaturely, H was groping the baby. “Let’s eat what we ate today, even H baby.” “Good, good. H, even if you give birth to a baby, always bring it out with you. “N-bang” “What are you talking about? I will absolutely leave you alone.”

Whether it’s a white forehead, study hair, or 0.001 second Kang Dong-won, it’s okay to not resemble him, so I hope the child resembles H in the fluidity of drawing the most accurate route in any complicated situation. A mother’s wisdom will protect her child from the countless hardships he will face upon birth.

*Taken from the title of Elena Ferrante’s novel. Her dense and poignant writing style failed to catch on.

Illustration by Reporter Kim Soo-jin ([email protected])

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Reporter Jeon Chae-eun [email protected]

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