2023-11-12 13:00:05
CLARA DUPRé
The first time I danced rock with a boy, I was in 9th grade. I’m 14, I’m in heels, my feet hurt. It’s embarassing. One Saturday a month, I meet around fifty teenagers in a large Parisian hall to learn ballroom dances, especially rock.
The year of dance lessons is a central step in the organization of social rallies – private associations of wealthy parents who come together to teach their children about life in society. The hour-long class is followed by a small party, and I hide in the bathrooms with my friends to avoid being asked to dance by heavy, pimply boys. Refusing a dance is not something you can do. It’s one of the rules of decency that we are taught, enough to become a real young girl from a good family.
The social rally is a moment of transition, which lasts from 5th to 12th grade: you go from little girl to young woman, it constitutes your introduction to the world. I started so young that for a long time everything seemed pretty normal to me. I was registered at 12 years old by my parents. It’s in the order of things: in the same way, they enrolled me in the private, single-sex, Catholic college in our suburb in western Paris. and the Unitary Scouts of France, also single-sex. My parents have their hands in it, they have already been responsible for my big sister’s rally.
“Pastry workshops”
During the first two years of rallying, we have single-sex activities. Each girl organizes an activity at home or outside: perfume workshops, baking… I see it as a continuation of primary school birthday snacks. At the same time, the boys go laser tag, climbing or go karting.
At that moment, I did not perceive the “rally” dimension. I only begin to realize this when activities become mixed. It happens in fourth grade, at 13, and it’s up to the boys’ families to organize. It’s stressful, discovering the boys. By going to college and scouts with only girls, I lived in a kind of cocoon protected from the male gaze. And I was a teenager, not comfortable in my body…
What struck me at that time was really the clothing dimension, which constituted the rally. Every invitation says “proper attire required,” and that goes all the way to high school galas. Girls must be “elegant”, in a dress or skirt, ballet flats and tights, boys must wear a shirt. Later, heels for women, suits for men are required.
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