A kind of anguish invades me: the President is not here, he went on a trip, We are left without his tutelage and advice. What will become of us, eh? I already know that the tour is very important: he went to Miami to receive an award, to visit his friend Elon Musk, owner of Twitter (ex-X, heh), in Texas, and to take a tour through the skies of Denmark in a fighter-bomber. By God, what a difference with Alberto, who went to the summits to steal selfies and he came to Moscow to tell Putin that he was captivated by his gaze. Javi’s award could not be more deserved: in a synagogue he was awarded the diploma of “International Ambassador of Light”, which he became entitled to after increasing the rate almost 200%. “No one has done as much for light as you,” they praised him at the ceremony. You will soon receive your gas diploma (600%). Musk also distinguished him as “the most tweeting president in the world,” with an average of 233 posts, reposts or likes per day. “Your production is impressive, my dear friend –Elon thanked him–. Well, I hope the Argentines don’t get on with me.” Now missing, in this historic mission, is his ride through the heights in the war plane that we just bought; highlight: he himself will become a “force from heaven.”
As he does every time he travels, he asked me to send him my impressions on the most important news in the country. Flor de bolonqui, due to our manifest differences of opinion. The first day I told him that they were getting rid of the mosquitoes, and therefore the dengue, and he replied that he does not produce or sell repellents. I sharpened my aim: I let him know that his criticism of journalists and the media, shortly before leaving and later in the tweet he wrote during the flight to Miami, had raised a cloud of dust. “Javi, you basically treated us all as liars and corrupt, but I recognized that if you hadn’t been around the television channels for years, no one would know you, you wouldn’t be president.” Great response: “Since when are the needs of a stranger the same as those of a president? Ha ha ha”. Nothing to reproach him for, least of all his good humor.
A colleague and friend says that if a politician lives talking about journalists who are in trouble, it is because he has been in charge of someone. I want to believe that he is not referring to Milei.
I am increasingly convinced that the libertarian President admires what we could call “Cristina mode”: centrality, frontality, binarism, authoritarianism, histrionics, aesthetic concern, intensive use of networks… For this reason, it was difficult for me to tell her that the lady was left in a very bad light after Justice confirmed the Iranian regime as the author of the attack on the AMIA. What an idea for Cris to agree with a terrorist state responsible for the biggest attack in our history. I played dumb. First I gave him the scoop and then I added: “By the way, I’ll tell you that it’s terribly cold in El Calafate.”
It is always better to give a president good news, especially when he is in charge of a highly sensitive international administration. Imbued with that spirit, these were the reports I sent him day by day. Monday. Toto Caputo accused the prepaid companies of declaring war on the middle class for increases of 160% in four months; Luckily, it did not occur to the prepaid companies to answer that the high electricity and gas rates are a war against all social strata. Mars. Justice inhibited Alberto’s assets in the insurance scandal case; What a great reaction from the Government to have fired Mauro Tanos, general manager of Nación Seguros (in case you don’t remember him, he is the camper whom, in a distraction, you had promoted). Wednesday. Everything rotted in our block of Deputies, because Zago said that you approved of promoting Marcela Pagano, and he even showed a WhatsApp that you had sent him, and Martín Menem swore that you had told him exactly the opposite, and he also showed a message from you; Important lesson learned, Javi: when you are about to travel, you don’t have to ask yourself anything. Thursday (in the afternoon). The CGT has just called for a general strike on May 9; the good news That day Twitter is going to explode: nail 500 posts! Thursday (at night). In a statement of extraordinary relevance, the National Academy of Law stated that the judges of the Supreme Court must be ethical, suitable, irreproachable; we get away, Presi: from Lijo, not a word.
He also asked me to convey the repercussions of his tour to him. I told him that every piece of news that came from Miami or Texas immediately became trending topic; that the photo of him with Musk with the thumbs up shows them as two titans of the human race, and that the entire country is eager to see him commanding the fighter-bomber, without ruling out a low pass on Congress to intimidate the caste.
“OK,” he replied, but for now I’m going to keep trying with the chainsaw”.ß