2024-10-02 10:43:11
Alcohol, tobacco and other drugs: Parents should think early about how to warn their children about use. Scientists are studying which strategies can help and which can’t. “Helicopter parents” in particular make typical mistakes.
There’s a question that probably concerns every parent of teenagers: how can we stop our children from drinking, smoking or using other drugs? It’s definitely too late to think about it until the child is 15 or 16, says puberty coach Matthias Jung from Mainz. “At 13, mass has already been said, after which the attempt at turbo-education doesn’t help much anymore.”
An American research group believes it is useful to make young people understand that their behavior is being monitored. Teens often don’t even try to use alcohol or drugs. “Some parents think that children will drink or take drugs no matter what,” said study leader William Pelham of the University of California, San Diego. “But that’s not true. Parents can make a difference.”
So far, it’s been assumed that monitoring works because it makes parents more likely to recognize substance use and punish it with punishments like house arrest or confiscation of a cellphone, Pelham says. The one presented in the “Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs”. Analyze But it shows that it is the fear of getting caught that tends to deter children from taking drugs.
The Pelham team surveyed 4,500 children and adolescents ages 11 to 15 from various locations across the United States about their drug use in the past month and whether their parents knew about it.
Some children said they had the opportunity or intention to use drugs, but decided not to for fear of being caught. Without such concerns, drug use in the study group would have been 40 percent higher, the researchers write.
Educator Matthias Jung doesn’t doubt that parents are crucial, but the US recommendation certainly does. “Fear is also a kind of punishment,” he says, himself a father of two. “It may be useful for a short time, but young people won’t get their knowledge out of it.” Ideally, the topic of drugs should be discussed in the family many years before the onset of puberty.
“You could then talk about your negative experiences or about Uncle Heinz, who had to go to a rehabilitation clinic,” explains Jung. Trying to repeat it with a fifteen year old is useless. “At that age, pressure always creates back pressure.” This also applies to the topic of medications, as well as to unloading the dishwasher: “If I want my child to do this, I have to ask them to do it when they are seven years old – and not before the age of fifteen.” “The desire to start creates the maxim resistence”.
When it comes to logic, teenagers often keep the shutters down and discussions don’t necessarily reach “boiling hormonal volcanoes,” says Jung, who is one of them. Advice book under the heading “I am always allowed to never do anything!” – First aid for families who have had enough of the phase.” “Sometimes it may be helpful to remember the breathing exercises from your childbirth preparation class,” says Jung.
However, it is not at all true that pubescent children fundamentally ignore the advice and recommendations of their parents. Parents also play an important role for adolescents during puberty, Jung says. “They are and remain a safe haven and continue to provide guidance with clear opinions.” While well-intentioned advice is often rejected by young people, it still helps address problems. reported also a team led by Kelly Tu of the University of Illinois in the “Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology”.
The influence of mothers
The research team followed conversations between about a hundred U.S. fifth graders and their mothers about school problems. Both the mothers’ counseling strategies and the reactions of the boys and girls, who were on average eleven years old, were recorded. The results concerned how well the respective child had managed the transition to the next type of school in the following year. “We wanted to understand what really happens in conversations between parents and children,” Tu explained.
In many cases, mothers encouraged their children to think differently about a problem, to seek new strategies or specific help. “We did not find that adolescents were highly accepting of the solutions suggested by their mothers,” the study states. In many cases they responded with ambiguous statements such as “maybe” or “I don’t know”. However, the mothers’ advice still had a positive influence on how they handled the transition to the next type of school months later.
Parents often have the experience that their children are apparently not very receptive to advice after a certain age. “Children are becoming more mature and want to make their own decisions,” explains Tu. Their immediate reaction may therefore be resistance or reluctance. However, the advice on how to deal with the problem constructively has struck a chord with many young people and has had a positive effect.
Jung believes that the greatest praise for parents is when their teenage son calls when they have messed up: “It’s one o’clock, he’s drunk somewhere – and then he calls his parents so they can help him. It’s about this trust, so you did everything right.
The basis for this is a stable, grateful and loving relationship: “To convey the feeling: I am listened to, I am understood, especially helicopter parents often only succeed to a limited extent.” “For them, children are more of a kind of project, and the performance principle applies,” says Jung. From the outside the relationship seems great, but children don’t learn self-efficacy and don’t feel like they can do things on their own.
Then medications may be less of a problem, but other factors may be. Surveillance often extends to the area of emotions – you can meet someone, he comes from a good family – and to leisure activities, such as hobbies acceptable to your parents. “Children of helicopter parents don’t learn to value what they like,” says the educator. “Then they solve this problem in therapy 20 years later.”
For young people it is extremely important to be able to try and make mistakes, says Jung: “Sometimes a crazy hairstyle, frustrating experiences, these are also steps towards adult life. It seems that nature has not thought well especially of teenagers.” they love to take risks and only feel excited when they reach the highest diving platform.
This trend towards “higher, faster, further” leads to new paths and insights. Marc Zuckerberg, for example, invented and implemented Facebook at a young age, says educator Jung, and speculates, “He probably wouldn’t have had this creativity and willingness to take risks as an adult.”
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