Perugi – Relationships and Love – No Secrets: “How do I tell him it’s over between us?”

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More on Perugi’s relationship and love channel:

An 18-year-old asks: “Hello, I had sex with a friend of mine. He slept with a lot of girls before with a condom and I did not ask him if he did a sexually transmitted disease test. We had oral sex without a condom and all the other sex was with a condom. In addition, we had anal sex. For vaginal sex without changing a condom, do I have a chance of getting sexually transmitted diseases?

Advisor’s answer: “Hello, I am very glad that you turned to us for a consultation and that you show responsibility towards your body on these issues. Regarding sexually transmitted diseases, can pass during vaginal, oral and anal sex. Therefore, we hear from what you tell about oral sex there is indeed a chance of infection, I recommend you and your partner go get tested to prevent such a situation again and also to get an answer to your question.As for your question about anal sex, in the rectum area there are many bacteria because that is where the will comes from, so among other things it is always advisable to use this area with condom. Yes, once passed without replacing a condom from the rectum, bacteria can be transmitted to the vagina, which is a very sensitive area and therefore diseases or infections may form as a result. And so for the ejaculation of semen from it. “

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A 15-year-old asks, “Hey, I’d love your help. I feel like I don’t want to be with anyone in the future but I’m not excited about girls. I haven’t fallen in love with someone in three years. I don’t know what I am and it’s really confusing and really hard for me.”

Advisor’s answer: “Hello, first of all, congratulations on the appeal. Showing confusion can sometimes be very complex and difficult and requires a lot of courage. Confusion and complexity are part of life and it is important to know how to flood these feelings and try to understand ourselves better. Therefore, it is great that you ask and consult. Yours – adolescence is characterized by a self-search for identity (personal, sexual, etc.) and takes place until the early 20s.During this period, it is very natural to feel confusion or search and clarify your sexual orientation and who you feel you are attracted to or interested in. The range of sexuality is wide and it sometimes takes time to define it, and there are those who discover it at an older age. And there is nothing to be ashamed of.It is very difficult to define our identity and sometimes it is part of a whole life journey, but from time to time we know ourselves better, understand the world, experience experiences, draw conclusions and learn to behave better.Our recommendation to you is to be here And now ‘, and not be too worried about what will happen in the future You will have more experiences that will help you better understand what is right for you and what is less and you will know how to define yourself better. It is also important to remember that there are times when we invest time, energy, thought and desire in other things unrelated to relationships or sexuality. Sometimes we are more focused on family matters, studies, hobbies and they fill our time and there is no desire or passion for a relationship or sexual relationship and that is normal and natural. You may later experience an attraction or desire for a relationship and fall in love with someone or something. It is important that you do not stress yourself and accept your feelings and sensations and focus on the things that make you enjoy and have fun. In time or as the period passes, you will experience an attraction and a desire to fall in love. “

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17-year-old asks: “How to tell him it’s over? Hey, I’m 17. I’ve had a boyfriend for almost half a year now. We met through Instagram, and at first he attracted me and really turned me on, and today I’m no longer attracted to him anymore. He turned around, but suddenly all His behavior seems too embarrassing to me I’m disgusted and also do not want to have sex with him. I broke up with my previous ex and he just broke down in front of my eyes and it hurt so much that I did not want to do it for him either, especially I broke up with him once and he was so broken but then he drove me crazy and made me fall in love again, but now it does not matter What he does it just does not make me anything. And something else, I’m pretty scared to stay without him. Finding a new friend is possible but finding a person I’m completely open with about everything is pretty rare. But still, I’m not attracted at all and it makes me sometimes Being nervous and frustrated when I know I’m in a place I’m not 100% good at. How to tell him that gently? And how to stand up for myself? I’m terribly sensitive and hard when I’m I see someone sad because of me and it makes me want to do everything to make him happy. “

Advisor’s answer: “Hello, I’m glad you approached us with such a sensitive and complex question. You describe in a very open and direct way the situation you are in today – on the one hand you see and appreciate the beautiful things you received from this context and appreciate them. On the other hand you feel that what was already over You do not have the desire to continue anymore. Romantic relationships are really not simple. Although we sometimes get the impression that love comes easily, and everything flows like in the movies, it’s really not true, and you probably know it. At every step in a relationship there is always something to lose. And what to gain. But at the same time, there are some very important principles without which no relationship can be healthy or good for us and the other side. The first is to understand that relationships change, we change, and the people we were with also change. And end, before we decide to be in a long-term relationship (if at all!). Relationships that begin in adolescence really do not have to become the only relationship we will have over the years. It’s so unbalanced that your partner is attracted to you and happy to be with you and you no longer feel that way about him. The third thing is to understand what we get from the context we are in and define for ourselves why we choose to stay in it. One of the least good reasons to stay in a relationship is to not hurt another person, to fear that he will ‘break up’ or ‘break up’, what will happen to him if the relationship ends, and how bad he will feel. I’m impressed with your sensitivity and consideration, but it’s a bad motivation for a relationship. That’s why I encourage you to stand up for yourself, and tell your partner what you have to say. We all sometimes say ‘no’ to others and sometimes we are also the ones who accept the ‘no’. In any case, separations can be painful but are an integral part of life and we all need to learn to accept rejection and rejection and expect others to do the same. I know this is not an easy task, but you can think of sentences that you can say to him in an assertive, clear, sensitive but also direct and respectful way. “If you can describe to him the gaps between you, it will be easier for him to accept it: the lack of physical and mental attraction, the lack of interest in him, the pity what will happen if you leave him and all the other things you described in such a sensitive and mature way.”

              1. “Open Door” is a center that provides counseling to teens when it comes to love, adolescence and sexuality. You can get additional advice on the website / https://www.opendoor.org.il/.

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