“Congratulations! You lost weight!”
“Thin”. Okay, then? Suppose I lost weight – so … what does that say about me? Am I a better person all of a sudden? And what kind of comment is that – “thin”? I realize that when the aunt who meets me about three times a year sees me, she is amazed at how from time to time my body circumferences shrink (or vice versa, and on that occasional comments are thrown). But why would her natural reaction to such a situation be to say “thin”, in a clear tone of “Congratulations Khurchik! The accepting and open society of 2022 finds you more belonging now! Honest power”?
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And the thing is, it’s not just her – wherever I go, with friends or family (and especially with aunts who have a sharp and photographic view of my body dimensions), I always find that comments about appearance are thrown into the air. Such remarks that sometimes wear armor of thorns that sit on the heart and do not let go, are so explosive and yet common in the current existential reality. The reality we created with our own hands.
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We must understand that our problem begins where we as a society make these comments on a regular basis. Appearance nowadays (much more than in the past) is key for any person to determine their status in society, relative to others. It is an opportunity to “screw up” in a higher or lower place on the social scale – depending on how well it fits into an unattainable beauty model.
And the trick in this story is that as long as the virtual cloud (let’s face it – touches us all) continues to rain down a flood of different internet diets (some of which are completely confused) and present “success” stories of these diets (success – which often takes a deep mental toll, which is not enough In the public discourse) – each of us begins to think: “If I take myself in hand, start eating healthy and doing sports – I may become more accepted, more loved.”
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At this point I invite you to note that almost none of the diets offered on the market today touch on the emotional side of the person: the passionate person who would very much like to indulge and unpack some dish of shawarma in pita, much more than just following the fast fast most day. What’s more, genetics is a serious factor in the possibility of each of us, in human society, succeeding in losing weight. Some will lose weight faster, and some will not. The question arises again: So what ?! So what does this mean? That the genes of some are inferior to the genes of others? Absolutely not … and who even stated that there is one beauty model and that he is necessarily thin?
Humans are beautiful creatures, who by nature need to celebrate what it means to be diverse, different and free. The realization that there is one who is like this and there is one that is like that – and it’s fine to be who you are, does not permeate society enough – as I would expect it to permeate. It is time for all of us to understand: we, as human beings, are not built to be subject to one image of beauty. We must understand that our uniqueness as human beings, the one that comes from within – is what defines beauty. Appearance is a shell, and in my perception: with all due respect to the shell – in the end, what is through this shell: is the human being. pure. Smooth. net. Pretty. He is the human being in all his glory: for his shortcomings, his virtues, his madnesses, his dreams and desires. And this person, who the current society so insists on pushing to the margins – is the one to be voted on, to be emphasized, to be celebrated. And really there is no attempt here to be naive and claim that appearance is not one of the most judged things in the “enlightened” society of 2022.
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Unfortunately this is the situation at the moment. And yes: someone might not go out with someone for that matter because she’s full – and that’s fine. Personally: I’m not dying for an avocado. Everyone and his preferences, his aspirations, his perception. But between us: If you know that someone has agreed to give up on you only out of the shell you present to the world, do with yourself “thinking”: Would you really want a relationship with such a person? In this life, by virtue of being human, we sometimes have to accept that the role of society is to judge us and it is our job to choose what to pay attention to and what not. It is important to understand (and this is something that is not talked about enough) that such judgment often comes from places of insecurity of other people among themselves.
And think what an absurdity it is that we, with our own hands, through the various social platforms are building here a society that defines human beings according to externality. We are building a society here that would prefer to praise six solid cubes in the abdomen over a good deed of a person or positive virtues of giving and harnessing for the sake of the other. And the sad thing about all this is that over the years this matter has only been growing. And the most problematic point is that a generation was born here that was born into a world where it was considered “okay”. And my question is: Would we want to be born into such a world? To a world that glorifies only one beauty model? That shows models with a very specific look on billboards? I can attest that my answer is absolutely no.
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And yet: I see efforts being made in society in order to illuminate the beauty of any body model, and I want to believe that this will have as broad an impact on our society as possible, in the near future. Key figures like Neta Barzilai, who is a huge inspiration, strengthen the “exceptional” and “different” status in society, celebrate all the shapes and sizes of human beings, the beauty of this diversity and are able to make a real difference here. Even on a global scale. So I want to believe that soon the word “thin” will cease to be used as a compliment, that when an advertisement of plus size models pops no one will raise an eyebrow and that the generation embroidered here now will live in a world that accepts him as he is, no matter how external he looks. (And it really does matter what he looks like – from the inside). Like I said and I will repeat it again: true beauty is in a person, not in his reflection.
So this letter was written both to heal some wound myself and also for anyone who would like to invest their time in order to read it. Anyone who wants to make an effort to make this world a better and healthier place – for him. For his children. For all of us.