– I have been terribly cynical and look back at a number of things I could have done differently, including with those who have been closest to me. I’ve been so cynical that I’ve just given up on things, too, says Petter Northug in the last episode of podcast series “Viljeskalle”.».
The 38-year-old does not hide the fact that his behavior during his active career is something he has known a lot about in retrospect.
– I felt that life was only about standing at the top of the podium for a period. I was very cynical in relation to the fact that I pushed away training mates who could no longer match me in training. I ran away from trainers who I felt could not give me more than I felt they could. Then I went to new environments all the time, the Trønder says candidly.
– So a number of soldiers were left around me, who have contributed, but perhaps did not feel that they had received a pat on the back. I feel that now after my career, that I have been damn cynical, admits Northug, who quit at the end of 2018.
More controversies
Together with Thor Gotaas, who has also written a book about the former ski king, Northug has talked his way through 25 podcast episodes. Gotaas says he has learned through the work that the 38-year-old has been both extreme, cynical and brutal.
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Despite the fact that he has created unforgettable moments, the life of the Norwegian has also been dogged by scandals and headlines in the media. When in May 2014 he drove drunk and crashed his Audi A7 on Byåsen in Trondheim, it became a circus like no other.
In August 2020, he admitted both drug problems and reckless driving, and was eventually sentenced to seven months in prison for rough driving and drug possession. The sentence was served at the treatment clinic Bolkesjø in Telemark.
There was also an outcry when, in 2013, Northug chose to leave the national team and form his own private team with Coop as sponsor.
Northug says that for a long time he was conflict-shy – something that has contributed to putting him in difficult situations throughout.
However, this has changed somewhat in recent years, after he got the life as a top athlete a little at a distance.
– I’m probably still conflict-shy now, but not as bad as I was. I think I have an easier time facing conflicts now and talking about it. I have grown on the life I have led and become a more mature man, but it has been a special life, he says.
– Feelings were rarely talked about
The skiing phenomenon points out that he grew up on a small farm, where the plan was initially for him to take over the farm, but instead he followed his dream and succeeded in a sport he thought was “impossible to succeed in”. In other words, huge contrasts.
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– I found my way out through sport and it gave me a kick and a motivation that became like a kind of demon inside me. It grew and grew the more gold I won. It is unstoppable. It never got enough and that monster was fully unleashed through the fact that I succeeded in my training job, hard training and not least that the results also came through me becoming the cynical Petter that I became, he says.
Northug has previously said that he grew up under strict conditions, where there was little praise and few. Feelings were rarely talked about.
He now believes that he has matured as a person and that talking about feelings is easier than it was before.
– I am quite capable, after the life I have lived as an athlete, of talking about feelings and talking about things I have experienced and known. It was impossible in the teenage years. It was impossible through the upbringing I have had.
– Mum and dad didn’t talk much about how we felt and thought. We were very short there. Although my mother was a little mental support and I could go a little further there to talk about some, yes, painful topics, it was brutal with a strict father and a strict grandfather. It was sort of results-focused and you weren’t supposed to talk about so many other things.
– I felt chased
Growing up helped shape the personality of the 38-year-old, he believes when he looks back on it now.
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– It affected me, I became shy, I didn’t like meeting people, so it’s a bit strange to sit here today and talk so much about my life.
– About mistakes, about ups and downs, what I have felt and thought about. It feels a little strange, but also a little good. I feel like I’m becoming more of an adult by doing it and it’s good to take with me the fact that you can talk about it, without feeling such real discomfort.
Gotaas says he has the impression that Northug has in many ways been “two people”.
– It’s a good impression. I feel like I’ve opened up more to the world after I quit. Know more about the feelings I’ve had and dare to talk about them. While the confined Petter was very confined as an athlete.
– He sometimes felt chased and felt that if he opened his mouth, it would be written about or talked about. It perhaps made me even more introverted, cautious and afraid of what was on the outside, says Northug.
In recent times, the Trønder believes he has learned a lot from the mistakes he made earlier in life.
– I have learned both from mistakes and things I have lived with, that talking about things can be healthy and instructive for what will happen next.