Mutual understanding and trust are core themes in every relationship, including those of relationship researchers: Julie and John Gottman.
Image: Laif
Julie and John Gottman are among the world’s most influential relationship researchers – and have been married for 35 years. They recommend “talk, talk, talk” as a recipe for success in a partnership.
Mr. and Mrs. Gottman, you have been married for 35 years. What are you doing to make your marriage last?
Julie Gottman: Talk, talk, talk. I think it’s really about talking to each other and not holding grudges. Finding ways to have fun and adventure together. to accept differences. Every person is different. We focus on what the other does right – not on his mistakes.
What does this mean for your conversations?
John Gottman: The most important thing is to be emotionally connected. In the morning we talk about what to expect during the day. We never leave home without knowing at least one interesting thing that awaits the other that day. When a problem arises that we need to deal with, we listen to each other. We mirror what is said and make sure that we understand each other. We write down what we discuss.