2023-07-22 14:47:05
Anna K., 53: I just had my breasts removed after my second cancer. Now the question is whether I should have breasts reconstructed with the body’s own tissue. I don’t really want that. They wouldn’t be real, and I fear the discomfort that would come with it. And the fact is that my breasts have been removed. But my husband sees it differently. He doesn’t say it directly, but I can tell that he’s unfamiliar with the new situation. What should I do?
Dear Anna, fate has dealt you a serious blow. The fragility of your life has been made very clear to you. Breast cancer is one of the leading causes of death in women in your age group. And now the female breasts are not just any part of the woman’s body, but often strongly identity-forming. Curse and blessing are usually close together here. Breasts are sexually attractive to us men, sometimes a hindrance, an expression of femininity and the sun for every infant. Few other parts of the body are so ambiguous. And they are unique in their own way.
Simply rebuilding her and pretending as if nothing had happened would not do justice to the importance of this severe illness that has been overcome. You escaped death at the price of your breasts.
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The question of new breasts is probably too early
The way you write it sounds like a grieving process you are still going through. It often takes up to a year for us to settle into a new reality. Sadness, doubt, anger, and acceptance follow one another over and over again until we can say, “This is how it is now.” So I think the question of new breasts or not is probably too soon. Whatever you decide, you won’t get your old breasts back. Something new will take that place. And this new thing may take its time. Your husband probably means well with his suggestions. Many relatives tend to want to protect their partner from such grieving processes in clumsy caring.
Take your time to rediscover yourself. Talk to your husband about your doubts and his suggestions. If necessary, go to a counseling center or take some psychotherapy or joint couples therapy as support. In the end you will find your own new physicality.
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