The best hobby in the world is being a groupie

The best hobby in the world is being a groupie

2023-06-06 11:08:56

Only as a groupie can you combine a love of art with adventurous experiences behind the scenes. The column by Anselm Neft.

Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler sticks his tongue out on stage during a concert at the Poliedro car park.

Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler sticks his tongue out on stage during a concert at the Poliedro car park.Boris Vergara/EFE/EPA/dpa

This is the latest installment in Anselm Neft’s humorous column Spot the Error.

Origami, fruit growing, overtone singing: there are many great hobbies. But probably the best thing is that groupies have it. Because only as a groupie can you combine a love of art with intimate encounters and adventurous experiences behind the scenes. A plea for a leisure activity that borders on a calling.

To be very close to the adored star, to touch the soft heart behind the megalomaniac facade, or at least to touch his erect member – that is the wish of many groupies. Some just want to make love backstage, others travel the world as “road wives” with the stars and sweeten their tough tour life with all sorts of servitudes. A number of musicians and artists don’t let themselves be squandered for long.

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Maren Kaschner

To the author

Anselm Neft, born near Bonn in 1973, studied unrelated subjects, wrote his master’s thesis on contemporary Satanism, worked through jobs ranging from dishwasher to management consultant and now lives as a freelance author and writer in Hamburg. There he runs the literary podcast “laxbrunchand writes articles and books. His latest novel is called “Late Children” and was published by Rowohlt-Verlag. He writes the humorous column “Find the error” for the Berliner Zeitung.

Carefree times and cute baby groupies

Especially in the 70s and 80s things were completely carefree: Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) happily traveled through the USA with a 16-year-old girl, got her pregnant, urged her to have an abortion and sent her back home to her parents. One of the many super funny anecdotes from this era of real rock ‘n’ roll. Model rebel Iggy Pop sang about sex with 13-year-old Sable Starr, one of the cute “baby groupies” who practiced their hobby from a tender age, on “Naughty Little Doggie”.

Character head Mick Jagger (“I can’t get no satisfaction”) gets confused these days when asked to list all the minors he’s drugged and jumped on, after all he’d popped a substance or two himself.

Metal sympathizer Lemmy Kilmister is unfortunately too dead to describe his dazzling love life with over 1000 women, some of them quite young, but he certainly treated every single one with the greatest possible respect. Accordingly, Frank Zappa spoke affectionately of “crew sluts”, sluts who let themselves be heartily worked out by the road crew in order to get closer to the surely wonderful sex with the star. A dream that many a groupie still dreams of today.

Great fun to this day

Even if groupie life no longer seems quite so carefree today, because constantly outraged feminists babble in shrill voices about sexualized violence, abuse of power and other nonsense from the gender seminar – with a little good will you can still present yourself as a groupie with knockout drops of 60 -year-old men put into a pleasant twilight.

What could be nicer than waking up in a room that smells of stale smoke and old socks to a sweating rock star whispering gently in your ear to stop? It will be some time before enough groupies have reported whether their sparkling experiences with the Rammstein singer were just as captivating as what fans and friends of Brian Warner (“Marilyn Manson”) and his “bad girl’s room” to report.

Stars for every taste

Not all groupies like hard rock music. Some just like painters, writers or priests. And those who (in their tender teenage years) prefer to be raped, fondled or beaten by gentler artists such as David Bowie, Udo Jürgens or John Lennon will still find correspondingly famous men who deign to do so, their deepest heart’s desire under the applause of the general public to fulfill. Sometimes you have to beg a little longer in these prudish times, but everything always turns out alright in the end.

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#hobby #world #groupie


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