“The first time I talked about masturbation was at the start of the Egyptian revolution”

2023-10-22 19:00:13

Dalida is a 26-year-old Egyptian political sociology student. She chose to testify under a pseudonym.

I grew up in a bourgeois family in Cairo, in Heliopolis, a chic neighborhood where the palace of the Presidency of the Republic is located. We are Coptic Orthodox, but I attended a Catholic school and participated in activities organized by the Protestant Boy Scouts. At school, in catechism, at home, in all the spaces where I grew up, I learned to be helpful, obedient, modest and virtuous.

Everywhere, you have to prove that you are a good girl. Prove to whom? To the Muslim majority in the first place. It starts very early. I remember, at the age of 5, I wore a pleated skirt to attend Christmas mass. Catechism leaders told my parents that the skirt was too short. Women had to wear long skirts. What would the police officers, mostly Muslims, stationed at the entrance to our church, think if they saw the women scantily clad!

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Later, as a teenager, I was taken to task, because catechism leaders came across photos of me on social networks, on vacation, in a bikini. They told me : “When you discover Christ, you will no longer dare to dress like this! »

But, in my family and my environment, it was important to show that we are open-minded. If I wanted to wear a long-sleeved dress, to a wedding for example, I was told: “No, you’re not veiled, wear a low-cut dress instead!” »

Porn on smartphones

I grew up with these contradictory injunctions. Prove that we are an open, cosmopolitan minority and at the same time ensure the honor of the community. It wasn’t easy to build. For a long time, I hated being a girl. I was a real tomboy. I played football, wore baggy jeans… It was difficult for me, for my family. I was very alone as a teenager because I rejected the expected codes. It is thanks to the figures of the Egyptian revolution, intelligent, sensitive, courageous women, that I reconnected with my femininity. I then understood that what I rejected was not being a woman, but the sexism that makes us hate being a woman!

I discovered my sexuality while watching porn movies on my smartphone. I started very early, at 11 or 12 years old. At first I was embarrassed, but then I came to terms with it. I watched and masturbated. It helped me discover my body. But it also gave me complexes. The porn films I watched were American, I think. I looked at white bodies and compared myself to them.

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For a long time I thought I had a problem with my vaginal lips. My labia minora were bigger, they stuck out. At 18, I still thought that I would have to have an operation, that I would have to find the money before getting married. Luckily, one day, I came across the work of an artist, Hilde Atalanta. She drew more than 800 vulvas to show the diversity of possible anatomy. I understood that I was normal.

The first time I talked about masturbation was at the start of the Egyptian revolution. In my class, I got closer to three young women, who like me, were interested in art, culture and were pro-revolution. We were a little apart. The majority of girls supported the regime, because they came from privileged backgrounds, who wanted to preserve their gains by maintaining the the statute in which. With them, it’s impossible to talk about sexuality. We could drink alcohol, talk about guys but nothing more. Everything was known and could damage our reputation.

Challenge authority

I share everything with these three friends. They are my new family. We went to demonstrate together in the metro, without our parents knowing. It was no small thing for us bourgeois women to take public transport. I once went to a demonstration after the Maspero massacre [le 9 octobre 2011, des milliers de coptes avaient manifesté devant Maspero, le siège de la télévision et de la radio publiques égyptiennes pour protester contre l’incendie d’une église. Les forces de l’ordre avaient violemment réprimé cette manifestation, causant la mort de 28 personnes ]. I took the metro alone. For me, it was like doing coke, a real transgression!

Challenging the authority of all these institutions that control our bodies, our families, the church, the school, the state, has bonded us a lot. We became very close friends. We tell each other everything, our love and sex stories. We established talking circles to debrief our meetings, our stories. We wanted to explore our sexual freedom, while remaining very vigilant. Being there for each other, unfailing support!

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Because, even among men who call themselves left-wing, feminists, there are harassers, rapists. For me, I had a very bad experience my first time, for example. It must be said that our sexuality is not prepared. It is most often stolen, carried out in a car, because we have nowhere to go. It’s difficult to let go and take precautions. My boyfriend forced first intercourse. I told him about it the next time. He was angry with me for overwhelming him. We finally stayed together and after each report, we took stock. It was a knowing and exciting moment. Everywhere, with my friends, with my boyfriend at the time, we create spaces for dialogue. This is undoubtedly the legacy of the revolution, which is today politically blocked.

Ream Ka