The nude shoot could only get epic

by time news

Dhe top model evening begins with high expectations. Even the teaser on the more than three-hour long commercial, only sporadically interrupted by scenes from Heidi Klum’s this year’s gag contract aspirants, promises high quality. Klum announces a fashion quiz. This nourishes hope for a format-atypical guest judge. Jörg Pilawa, for example. Or Gunther Jauch. In the end it’s Rebecca Mir. It’s a bit like the announcement “Today the star from the blockbuster ‘Lara Croft – Tomb Rider’ is with us!” fueling the anticipation of Angelina Jolie – and then Til Schweiger comes along.

Before the quiz, however, there is a sedcard shoot, which is also the nude shoot. ProSieben’s innovation officer has probably prepared so many new top ideas that even traditional highlight shoots have to be combined in the first third of this season. Meanwhile, Heidi’s catwalk pupils scream themselves into a nude trance on command when they see the new GNTM bathrobes, which are supposed to professionally cover their Eva costumes in between. The bathrobes, so I specifically asked the Federal Inspection Agency for surreptitious advertising, are just coincidentally pink and therefore indistinguishable from Victoria’s Secret bathrobes with the naked eye.


In a pink fluffy bathrobe: Anya with her sedcard
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Image: ProSieben/Richard Huebner

Unlike the silk dressing gowns that shroud Victoria’s secret, the Klum version is fluffy and has a touch of fur. Everyone cheers. Only Elsa seems irritated. She’s probably wondering if pink wild foxes even exist. One thing is certain: she didn’t kill the bathrobe. Although that wouldn’t have been too bad, because Jülide could have explained immediately: bathrobes grow back. Before it gets too philosophical, Klum quickly explains the rules of the game: “The models have a big card for the sedcard shoots, it’s like being in jail.” Yes, the famous sedcards from jail. Some of the most famous models in fashion history have been spotted behind Swedish curtains. Who doesn’t remember catwalk goddesses like Alca Traz, Rika Sisland or Guantana Mobay?

For her potential successors, the first thing today is about sex. No, wait, typo. It’s about six. The sed card and nude shoot is also the shootout between Anya, Katherine, Jülide, Coco, Selma and Elsa that was announced last week. One of these six wobbly candidates will have to go before Heidi Klum used the past perfect for the first time.

While panic spread among the candidates for launch, Selma rejoiced backstage at the diversity offensive at GNTM: “Unlike in the past, dimensions don’t matter today, it depends on the charisma.” Exactly. That’s why sedcards now also show character traits and not body measurements. For a long time, 90-60-90 was considered the most important character trait in the model business. Luckily that has changed. At GNTM, for example, 08-15 has dominated for a few seasons. But Selma still scores because she can beam at the push of a button. Elsa, on the other hand, is irradiated at the touch of a button. And rides unerringly into her personal lip gate. Klum’s harmless hint that she should “let her mouth loose” she returns with a minute-long monologue about causal connections between lip injections and facial expression skills: “I had my lips done and the material comes pretty much from Russia and that does it with my lips all by itself .” A sentence that comes pretty much out of confusion. What remains is: Elsa had her lips done in Russia. Probably with (attention!) Alina Lipp. In order to save something, Klum gives her another tip: “Maybe a little nicer.” But Elsa is a real fur zodiac sign and ignores that too.

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