2024-09-16 20:51:02
If you can’t shake the urge to compare yourself to colleagues, don’t hold a grudge, take advantage
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These days you are a victim of upward social comparison. Scientifically speaking. And more simply – you are jealous of your colleague M., whom the boss constantly praises. Not undeserved, she does a good job. But you’re doing well too, and your boss doesn’t praise you.
Leave her M., first think about what your problem is with him. It’s your problem. Perhaps you are not able to properly “sell” to him how you perform your tasks, how significant your contribution is to the overall work.
Only then notice what M. does so that he notices her more than you.
Whatever it is that your colleague does, you have no use for naked envy.
You can draw conclusions for yourself, take an example of her tricks for self-promotion, read texts about the so-called. personal marketing, to improve yourself. Then the boss will probably praise you too. Even if he is tight on compliments, they are not exactly a certain amount for him, so that they do not remain for you, because he spent them on M.
A common theory is that one should not compare oneself with others but only oneself – has he become any better today compared to yesterday. But that’s what they are only the wise can. Mere mortals live in a large society and among small groups such as professional collective, friendly company, relatives, neighbors with whom they compare. In this way, they evaluate their own performance.
This is called social comparison and it is inevitable, no matter how much psychologists repeat that it brings negatives. There’s no way you can get rid of it, just do it right so you don’t get in the way of your success.
Upward comparison is to compare yourself to people who you think are doing better than you. It usually fills with bad feelings. You envy them, you may even hate them. You feel dissatisfied with yourself, you may even become depressed.
Downward comparison is to compare yourself to people who you think are doing worse than you. It also fills you with bad feelings. Condescension, arrogance, pride do not characterize you positively. You harm yourself by being satisfied with what you achieve because others are achieving much less, and you don’t motivate yourself to want more of yourself.
Since you are not wise and cannot avoid social comparison, first deny yourself the descent, or rather the satisfaction of it. This juxtaposition makes sense only if it prompts you to be charitable – to help those in need, and to gratitude – to appreciate what you owe to people who contribute to your achievements. For example, to the parents who provided you with a good education, to the partner and friends who support you, to the colleagues with whom you cooperate.
Never let upward comparison lead to envy that breeds malice, but don’t let it lead to self-disappointment either. Both feelings are destructive, drag you down and boycott your success, say personal development experts.
It is constructive not to get annoyed with colleague M., namely to study her – how she achieves high results, what she has more than you in terms of skills. If you fairly evaluate yourself and her, you can “buy” head experience, improve yourself and achieve more.
Exceptionally however, it is wrong if you choose to resemble someone or some of the objects of your upward social comparison. You cannot be like colleague M. because you are not her. You have your own strengths that you should use. Focus on your own development path by first defining your goals – short and long term. The praise of the boss is something too superficial to be among them. Therefore, do not pay attention to his compliments to colleague M.
Really focus on the comparison with yourself – whether today, this week, this month you achieved a result that brings you closer to your goal. M.’s achievements matter if she is your competitor, for example, for a higher position you are aiming for.
A major problem with social comparisons is that allow other people to influence your goals. What makes an upward social comparison frustrating is that someone else has achieved something you haven’t. But do you need it to be happy personally and professionally? Should you envy that fellow student of yours who seems to have gotten rich because he has his own business? You never planned the founding of your company. Is it worth making it a priority now to get rich like him? And even if you succeed, will this time bring you pleasure and satisfaction from work?
In addition to the fact that other people’s achievements, even if they look great from a distance, are very likely not to make you happy, they may not bring happiness even to the people you envy.
Note what you would like to do and achieve. Strive to live a life that is based on these goals of yours, and don’t change them just to compare yourself to someone else. There will always be people who seem more successful than you. If you focus on other people’s achievements, you will take away the enjoyment of your life. psychologists warn.
If you focus on your own goals, you’ll choose your idea of success, you won’t be bothered by social comparisons, and you’ll be much happier.
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