the mail of the heart / not at all candid
twelve o’clock, May 16, 2021 – 10:02
The Candida Way,
my fiancée had told me that she had been single for eight years and that I was the first man she agreed to date after the end of the affair with the love of her life. Now, I discover that in fact, in these eight years, they have continued to sleep together and that she had never had another because, anyway, she already had him. He says they stopped seeing each other for almost a year, because he, in the meantime, got married, divorced, but then he married another and the other discovered them. So, he went back to the fold, my girlfriend felt offended, she says she was sure their relationship was forever, in spite of any other woman. Meanwhile, I felt teased because she didn’t tell me how things were right away. Not only that, at first, she didn’t tell me about it, then as I started asking questions to understand more, she started to go into details and, by now, she only talks about this man. He talks about it obsessively. It’s all a “xxx he did so and so, you took me here and there, he said this and that …”. Apparently this guy is beautiful, that he is brilliant and that they had great sex, but that they did not get along well in everyday life. When I asked her how sex with me is, she said it’s pretty good, and that we will improve over time. I felt myself sinking. In short, I feel like a fallback. I wonder what was so special about this guy. I also wonder how I can be sure she doesn’t come back to him at the earliest opportunity.
Displaced ’74
Dear Dismissed ’74,
I am terribly bored by women who are unable to detach themselves from men who meanwhile lead their lives, marry others, have children with others, sometimes, perhaps, they come back. But they always go away. Dear displaced ’74, she already lives in a triple bed, with the ghost of the ex, who was beautiful, who was very good in bed, who was systematically welcomed even if, in the meantime, he married a woman, then two. To want to be in good faith, it may be that this girl gets along well with her in everyday life, since she does not allow sparks in bed, and therefore has decided to reward her with her attention. However, I observe that everyday life is not the thing that has attracted her most in the last decade. Dear displaced ’74, I am with you in every moment you do not trust. I distrust not so much of this girl’s intentions, but certainly of her tactlessness. Love does not live on comparisons, it lives in the absolute, it does not compare one man to another, it sees only one and finds it unique, unrepeatable, unmissable. Whoever loves lives in the place where his beloved breathes, moves, works, laughs, cries. Those who love do not know the nostalgia of what they were with another, they only see the extraordinary nature of what is happening now. Those who love are incredulous of the miracle they are experiencing, they do not regret the wonders that were. Dear reader, women who regret exes cannot cheer up those around them. Get a reason. After that, you are free to choose to deal with the ghost of the perfect, handsome, handsome and brilliant rascal. She can macerate herself in doubt wondering what the other has more than her, but the question should be posed in different terms: she should ask herself what is wrong with this girl. He prefers a half-hearted love to a true one, an insane love to a healthy one, a man who is not there to one who is there. It does not seem resolved and you risk being fooled. We humans are champions at hurting ourselves, and sometimes we begin to excel in masochism when we meet someone who can put us in awe. Dear Offset, this girl has put a monster among you and is molding it to fit her fears. In a while, in this trio, there will be a new Zombie. Guess who the third party is and ask yourself if you’d like to play the part.
Candida Morvillo
But settle for being flaunted as an accessory
The Candida Way,
he never tells me I love you, he never tells me: you are beautiful. He never tells me anything. If I ask, he answers: I’m with you, isn’t that enough for you? In short, for two months, I’ve been dating a man who doesn’t pay me a compliment. He, on the other hand, incenses a lot. He is vain, he is pleased with his image, his body and everything he does. The rest does not exist. I begin to get the feeling that you consider me a decorative accessory, evidently, at least this one, at its height. But I can never make it enough?
Paola
Dear Paola,
never question was more rhetoric. Narcissus men love only themselves and, if they are with a woman “worthy”, they are able to appreciate her only to the extent that they reflect their own greatness. No woman should be satisfied with being flaunted as an accessory. The couple is something else. Love is on sidereal distances.
Candida Morvillo
May 16, 2021 | 10:02
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