2024-09-22 23:13:24
Some people think that asking questions – to friends, co-workers or bosses – can make you look weak or insecure.
But this simple act can really help you build influence and change the minds of the people around you, says communications expert Matt Abrahams – if you know the right questions.
“Asking a question puts you in a position of power,” Abrahams, a lecturer at Stanford University, tells CNBC Make It. “I can really strengthen my position and weaken yours when I ask a challenging question.”
This does not mean that the questions always have to be challenging. They can express a genuine question and interest. Asking good questions “shows you’re interested, shows empathy, shows you’re willing to learn and, in some cases, admits you don’t know everything,” she adds. “These are all valuable tools and assets to have when trying to grow your career.”
Effective leaders often balance credibility with humility, a willingness to learn and connect well with colleagues, experts say. But not every question will help you move forward. You need to know how, when and why you’re asking the question to help you be more influential, Abrahams explains.
The recipe for a good question
Good questions contain three elements, says Abrahams:
- They are concise so as not to distract the listener
- They build on what the other person has said — advancing the conversation, rather than paraphrasing or summarizing
- They revolve around a focused idea
You should consider your intent or goal before asking any questions, he adds. Do you want to show that you are listening and understanding or that you are very interested in the particular topic? You may want to subtly help the other person understand another point of view or simply move the conversation along.
One of the worst intentions, notes Abrahams: trying to get points for attending workplace meetings. Your questions should always be thoughtful, they don’t need to be asked simply to make a point.
How to practice asking questions
Asking good questions, especially to persuade, influence or change someone’s mind, takes practice. Start with small meetings.
If your questions often get confusing and you want them to be more concise, you can also turn to artificial intelligence: Ask a chatbot like ChatGPT for shorter ways to phrase certain questions, then analyze the results.
You can also ask for feedback from real people — after a big meeting or serious work discussion, find a trusted colleague and ask them what they think about the questions you asked.