II’ve had some strange fights on the street. Once a man blocked my way on a bike lane because he said it wasn’t a bike lane. I stopped, we discussed, then I wanted to continue on the bike path – and he pushed me. Another time, an elderly gentleman came towards me on the sidewalk. It was pouring rain, and because I held my umbrella low over my face, I didn’t see his dog until he was right in front of me. “The lady can’t see anything!” the man yelled at me as if I had just committed a capital crime.
For a long time after encounters like this, I had the feeling that I had done something fundamentally wrong, while at the same time I was extremely annoyed at the other person’s behavior. How can this guy dare to snap at me like that, just like that? I didn’t do anything and there is no problem at all! These people, I worked my way into, unite the hatred of me and my way of moving in traffic.
But of course that’s nonsense. I now have a theory about all the cheerless characters you meet on the pavement: No sane person yells at other people without cause, especially in situations where there is absolutely no danger to life or limb. The shouting on the street isn’t really about me.
The anger only transfers
I think it’s more of an outlet for other resentment: because, for example, the working day went badly or the child is ill for the eighth time in three months, or because you’re just in a bad mood. A cyclist like me is just the right thing to release the pressure. The private anger coupled with the illusion that they know better than I do is simply too much. I don’t think they mean it badly. It just overwhelms her.
Such encounters are of course not nice. I myself called back frequently, discussed, even gave the middle finger when I was really upset – none of which I’m proud of. And above all, nothing that brings anything: outrage is overrated. The anger only transfers, I’m not only angry at the other person, but also secretly at myself, and I make myself part of the problem.
That’s why I’m now driving a completely opposite strategy. She breaks the habit of responding to outrage with outrage. It doesn’t always work, of course, and I can’t say for sure whether it annoys my counterpart even more sometimes. But I don’t get angry anymore and save a lot of life energy.
I couldn’t fault myself at all
I tried them for the first time when I was out on my bike again and turned into a park. A woman at the entrance to the park yelled at me: “There is no bike path here!” That was not true, there was no sign to be seen far and wide. Of course I could have told her that. I could also have asked her what bothers her so much that I am walking several meters away from her here – completely harmlessly. And why it upsets her so much that she rebukes me in that tone.
But at that moment I wasn’t in the mood for it. I didn’t want her anger. And that’s why I beamed at her unironically, as warmly as possible, and said: “I wish you a nice day too!” She didn’t answer, she seemed irritated. And then I was already too far away on my bike to see any further reactions on her face. But I felt almost exalted in that moment — I hadn’t stumbled into the morass of whiners, I’d just stayed friendly, even though my tone sounded as fake as a call center agent’s. I couldn’t fault myself at all.
I can therefore only recommend this approach to you, dear readers. stay friendly If your traffic critics call you an idiot or an asshole, say, “Sorry you think that way!” If they want you “out of the way,” just wish them “have a nice afternoon!” or say goodbye with: “Take care of yourself!” Just don’t let an angry opponent smack you. Your words will do the other person good, you will of course confuse him, maybe annoy him for a moment – but you will also show him how disproportionately malicious his whole demeanor was. And you can also calm down the screamer – who knows, thanks to you, these weren’t the first friendly words he heard that day.