2023-06-29 17:04:49
Myths
In her practice, Leila deals most with heterosexual couples, where the man generally has less interest in sex than the woman. “You see that the alarm is sounded more quickly than the other way around. Many women become insecure because there is an image that men generally feel like having sex more often. They then think: you should always feel like it, so why don’t you have that? That’s not always fair to men, because that image is actually a very big fable.”
Where do the myths come from?
But how did the image that men always feel like sex actually arise? According to Leila, several factors contributed to this. One is the way women have long been portrayed in Western society as sweet, caring, motherly and submissive. “When it comes to men, there’s a lot of talk about testosterone, which affects sex drive. But what many people don’t know is that women also produce testosterone.”
Leila believes that a lot also has to do with behavior learned at a young age. “When a child is dressed as a boy, it is very quickly said: ‘You are so tough and brave’. That means you have to be tough as a boy. The thing is that men are more likely to say that they have a lot of sex ( because they have learned that it is tough. That is why they will not easily say that they have little sex, because then they feel that it is not cool. On the other hand, women have learned to be more modest. As a woman you become almost seen as a sex animal if you say you often feel like having sex. It’s still hard to break those stigmas.”
“And get fucked this weekend?”
According to Leila, the fact that it is difficult to break through certain stigmas is because groups of friends, especially men, often never really talk openly about sex. “And got fucked this weekend?”, is what is asked, for example. I sometimes have people in my practice who tell me that they just say ‘yes’ to their friends, when they have actually done nothing for two years and feel very bad about that. It is very annoying to have the feeling in a group that you just have to participate. That means that the taboo is very much maintained.”
Would you like to have more serious conversations about sexuality with friends, but don’t know how to start that conversation? Leila advises to first see who you feel most comfortable talking to about this. “I wouldn’t do it openly in a group of friends right away”, recommends Leila. “In addition, you don’t have to start talking about yourself right away. For example, you can say that you have read this article and that you can imagine it. That can be a good conversation starter, without immediately starting about yourself.”
Increase sex drive
Do you want to increase your sex drive? If you search the internet, you will be bombarded with all kinds of remedies that supposedly help. “I wouldn’t recommend that” says Leila. “It has often not been proven to work and there is usually a placebo effect. What you can do is actively look for what arouses you. If you used to be turned on by porn and not anymore, it means It’s not like something suddenly isn’t right. It could be that there are other things that do turn you on. Look for those.”
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