# Navigating Family Planning After Traumatic Pregnancy & resisting Pressure from Multi-Level Marketing Schemes
A new column from advice columnist Harriette Cole addresses difficult conversations surrounding reproductive health and boundaries with friends involved in perhaps exploitative business ventures.
A woman grappling with the emotional and physical aftermath of a challenging first pregnancy is facing a conflict with her husband over expanding their family, while another individual is struggling to politely decline a friend’s persistent recruitment into a multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme.These scenarios, recently addressed by advice columnist Harriette Cole, highlight the complexities of personal boundaries, marital compromise, and navigating potentially harmful financial opportunities.
the Weight of Past Trauma in Family Planning
A woman wrote to Harriette Cole detailing a severely difficult first pregnancy marked by “severe morning sickness” and hospitalization, leaving her “exhausted and anxious” about having another child. Despite loving her husband,she’s decided against another biological child,a decision he doesn’t share.She suggested adoption, but the “astronomical” costs are a barrier.
The core issue, Cole explains, is a potential lack of understanding. “It is indeed hard to understand how frightening pregnancy can be if it hasn’t happened to you,” Cole writes. She advises the woman to get an “objective opinion” from her doctor about the risks of another pregnancy and to trust her instincts.
Cole stresses open dialog and mutual respect. “you and your husband need to come to a decision together,” she states. “Talk it out. Stand your ground and figure out how to move forward as one.” Exploring alternatives like foster-to-adopt could also provide a path forward.
Did you know?-Hyperemesis gravidarum, the extreme form of morning sickness described in the letter, can require hospitalization for dehydration and nutrient deficiencies. It’s a serious condition impacting up to 3% of pregnancies.
Setting Boundaries with MLM Recruiters
The second scenario involves a friend persistently trying to recruit another into a company resembling a pyramid scheme,pitching opportunities for “fast money.” The recipient feels pressured despite having no interest.
Cole’s advice focuses on assertive, empathetic communication. She suggests acknowledging the friend’s enthusiasm while firmly stating one’s own priorities. “Tell your friend that you are happy that she has found something that works for her and that she is earning money doing it,” Cole advises. “Point out that you are doing your own thing and you need to focus on that.”
The key, according to Cole, is to directly ask the friend to stop recruiting. “Ask her to stop inviting you to join her company,” she writes. “You do not have the bandwidth or interest to get involved in her project.” A clear, polite, but firm boundary is crucial to preserving the friendship without compromise.
Pro tip:-When declining an MLM possibility, focus on your own financial goals and time constraints. Avoid criticizing the business itself to maintain a respectful tone and preserve the relationship.
Why did these issues arise? The family planning conflict stemmed from differing experiences and emotional responses to a traumatic pregnancy. The MLM issue arose from a friend’s enthusiasm for a business model coupled with a lack of respect for the recipient’s boundaries.
Who was involved? The first scenario involved a woman, her husband, and Harriette Cole as the advice provider. The second involved two friends and harriette Cole.
What happened? A woman sought advice on navigating a disagreement with her husband about future pregnancies after a difficult first pregnancy. Another individual sought advice on how to politely but firmly decline a friend’s repeated attempts to recruit them into an MLM scheme.
How did it end? Harriette Cole provided advice in both scenarios, emphasizing open communication, respecting boundaries, and prioritizing individual well-being. The outcomes are left open-ended, relying on the individuals to implement the advice and reach resolutions.
