2023-08-21 18:55:14
by Cristina Brown
Being distracted with your cell phone while sharing a moment of leisure is one of the factors that creates the most problems in relationships. In the summer the problem is accentuated. Tips to limit the problem
It has been happening for a long time now: two people, a couple or even simply friends stand next to each other, perhaps they are at the table having a dinner or an aperitif together. And then suddenly a cell phone notification comes. The screen lights up and that message takes priority over who is in front of you. This is phubbing , a term that combines the words phone and snubbing (to despise). It describes the act of snubbing someone in a social setting: using a smartphone is preferred to social interaction with the person or people present.
Partner-phubbing and marital dissatisfaction
More and more men or women are complaining that while they are together, their partners ignore them because they are engulfed in their cell phones. When the phenomenon concerns a couple it is called partner-phubbing, as he has baptized it “State of Mind” a journal of psychological sciences. Although it seems like a seemingly harmless habit, recent studies show that it can have serious consequences on interpersonal relationships. Recent research links higher levels of phubbing to greater marital dissatisfaction. Similarly, a study by the University of Munich in Germany shows that this practice can generate feelings of “mistrust” among people who suffer from it. Furthermore, it causes a domino effect: those who have been the object of contempt tend to reciprocate the offense, thus fueling a toxic cycle that can only worsen the relationship. The more you use your phone in the presence of your partner, the less satisfactory the relationship. A dog chasing its tail, according to the researchers, because the more partner-phubbing causes reduced relationship satisfaction, the more phubbing develops during interactions, in a downward spiral of communication quality and relationship satisfaction.
The situation worsens in the summer
And in the summer, things can get even worse for those couples who are always attached to the screens: conflicts tend to escalate. If during the year the justification of having to interrupt any activity to check a possible job notification is the excuse, during the holidays this excuse disappears. Yet the phubbing continues. This phenomenon causes sensations of “absence-presence” or of “being alone together”, which is somewhat what occurs in the family. moreover, the habit of often looking at the mobile phone while watching a TV series or a film on television together with your partner is increasingly widespread, thus creating an intermediate distraction which can be irritating.
How to limit phubbing
So how can we limit the use of the mobile phone during periods of shared leisure? Beatriz Gonzales, couples therapist, interviewed by The country In addition to leaving the device in another room, it also suggests checking which notifications are activated, carefully choosing which ones are really necessary to be informed of what is happening of importance, without neglecting loved ones. A barrage of alarms and sounds can actually become difficult to manage and account for. If the situation is unavoidable, Gonzlez recommends improving communication on both sides. On the one hand, it’s not the same to call attention by saying “leave the fucking cell phone” rather than saying “please, I need you to be with me right now”, explains the psychologist. She also helps the person looking at the screen describe what she is doing. Apologize for the mental absence and explain the need that has arisen. After all, communication is the foundation of everything. When you wake up, avoid checking your phone before saying hello to whoever is next to you, because this is also a form of phubbing.
August 21, 2023 (change August 21, 2023 | 18:54)
© Time.News
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