When a baby asks which of his siblings he loves extra…[오은영의 부모마음 아이마음]

2024-05-19 17:35:30

<205> Expression of affection from a multi-family dwelling

Illustration by reporter Park Cho-hee [email protected]

There’s a whole lot of recommendation given to oldsters elevating two or extra kids. Whether or not you might be an older little one or a youthful little one, if you end up alone, you must say, “Mother (and Dad) such as you the very best.” When a father or mother spends alone time with a baby, treats them very properly, and confesses their love, the kid feels that she or he is the individual the father or mother loves probably the most. This provides the kid nice emotional stability.

Oh Eun-young, director of the Pediatric and Adolescent Clinic, a specialist in psychiatry

One factor to watch out of is that you shouldn’t make this confession of affection by evaluating your self to different brothers or placing them down. Simply say, “I such as you greatest.” After listening to these phrases from his dad and mom, the kid thinks, ‘Truly, my mother loves me probably the most’ and feels just a little sorry for his different siblings. If we deal with one another with a sorry coronary heart, concessions and consideration might come naturally. Then again, if the kid thinks, ‘Mother likes her older brother extra’, the battle between the 2 kids is not going to finish simply as they develop up.

Nonetheless, when making use of this recommendation to actuality, some dad and mom discovered it a bit tough. The kid who heard that mentioned it and mentioned it to his different sibling. The kids really battle over these phrases, and the dad and mom themselves say the identical factor to the older little one and the youthful little one, which someway makes them really feel like they’re mendacity. When kids had been very younger, they mentioned, “No. “Mother mentioned I used to be the very best.” “No. “She mentioned I used to be the very best,” she may say. If dad and mom preserve saying, “You’re the very best,” each time they’re alone collectively, kids develop up understanding, “Oh, my mother says this to me, and she or he says this to her older brother, too.” However that does not make them really feel betrayed by their dad and mom.

As a result of youngsters simply need to hear that from their dad and mom on a regular basis. I need to hear from my mother and pop that they’re probably the most treasured individual no matter any situation, state of affairs, or situation. The reality of the phrases just isn’t necessary. Simply listening to these phrases makes kids really feel very snug and happy. That’s why there’s no have to say, “I such as you each precisely the identical.”

Some dad and mom mentioned that they had been embarrassed as a result of, after listening to the kid say, “You’re the greatest,” they introduced one other sibling to the dad and mom and requested, “Mother, you mentioned you like me probably the most, proper?” At the moment, her dad and mom requested what her reply can be.

I smiled and requested the dad and mom. “Which of the 2 kids do you like extra?” My dad and mom had been shocked by my query. In fact, as a result of I like each my kids greater than something on this planet. Any father or mother would really feel the identical method. Whether or not you might have two or three kids, you’ll love every certainly one of them greater than something on this planet. As a result of every of these kids is a novel being on this world. There’s nothing to match with. Subsequently, dad and mom, as the one beings, can say to the older little one, “I such as you probably the most,” and to the youthful little one, “I like you probably the most.” Useful relationships usually are not comparative. Very treasured individuals can’t be in contrast by placing them on the identical scale. As a result of they’re all distinctive.

When kids are requested who they love extra amongst their siblings, I would really like them to match it to the solar and the moon. When the youngsters are collectively, say, “○○, you’re the ○○ that mother loves probably the most on this world.” The older brother subsequent to you could ask, “Then what about me?” Then, simply say, “△△ you might be additionally the △△ that mother loves probably the most on this planet.” When requested who he loves extra, he says, “The solar rises in the course of the day and the moon rises at night time. Which is extra necessary, the solar or the moon? In our lives, the brightness of the day may be very treasured, and the darkness of the night time can be very treasured. The solar has work to do because the solar of the day, and the moon has work to do because the moon of the night time. Totally different however equally necessary. You too are just like the solar and the moon. ○○That is the one one on this world. Mother loves the one one on this world, ○○, probably the most. △△There is just one of those on this world. Mother loves △△, who’s the one one on this world, probably the most. I do not know who’s the solar and who’s the moon. However mother, you each are treasured to me similar to the solar and the moon are each treasured to you. I like you each.” Even when you say this, kids might pout for a second. Even so, they are going to warmly perceive their dad and mom’ phrases that they love everybody probably the most.

Oh Eun-young, director of the Pediatric and Adolescent Clinic, a specialist in psychiatry

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2024-05-19 17:35:30