2023-06-15 12:56:08
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Just as you teach children to eat and drink, to walk and to play, you also teach them about sexuality and love. That sexual development of children already starts at the baby age. It is therefore advisable to talk to children about sex at a young age.
Of course you talk to children about sex, sexuality and love in a way that is appropriate to the age and stage of life of the child.
When is a child aware of their own gender?
Babies discover the world around them with all their senses, including touch. It is not for nothing that they love loving touches and big hugs from their parents. Children who are hugged a lot think more positively about themselves later in life, so this is an important first step in sexual development. Your child feels safe when it is lovingly cuddled.
Around half a year they get to know their own body a little better. They touch their genitals more often, but often this is still unconscious. When your baby reaches toddler age (around two years old), your child becomes aware of its own body. Your child learns that it is a boy or a girl and the curiosity about other bodies is great. By letting brothers and sisters bathe together, they see the physical differences between boys and girls. Preschoolers go one step further and discover their bodies through games with other preschoolers. Think of mom and dad or playing doctor. This is very normal behavior, even if a gender is conjured up here and there. It’s just discovering. Kindergarten age is also the time when children start asking questions about where babies come from and how it all actually works.
Discover your own body
Children of one or two years old sometimes sense their own gender. This is a normal development of their sexuality and should not be forbidden. It probably gives a nice or safe feeling. You can teach your child to do this alone at home and not in the presence of other people, except you as parents. Slightly older children can also reveal their gender to each other. This is all part of the exploration of each other’s bodies. It is normal behavior and you can talk about this with your child or read to your child from books about the differences between boys and girls. The more children learn, the more comfortable it is for them to talk about sex and love with their parents.
Talking to children about sex and love
Of course you don’t talk about sex with young children, but you do talk about subjects that come with it. Think of discovering your own body, finding someone sweet, friendships and feelings, differences between boys and girls and boundaries. By having these simple conversations at a young age, children only start having sex later in life and in a safe way.
From the moment your child can talk, you can occasionally talk about topics related to sexuality and love. Your child is then used to talking about it with you, the safe haven. This makes talking to children about sex later in life easier. So answer questions in a simple and clear way and talk about the body, about love and sex like you talk about other things. Use words like vulva and willy so that there can never be any ambiguity about that. By talking about sex with you, you also teach your child that they can always come to you with questions or difficult situations.
Preschoolers in primary school can already talk about being in love. That means they love another child very much. Around the age of seven, a child knows a little more. What being in love is, for example, but you can also explain how children are made to a seven-year-old child. At this age, friendships become more important and sometimes your child is actually in love. Shame for one’s own naked body can also arise at this age and that is nothing strange. Your child is now just more aware of this.
Experiences of parents and their child
For children, subjects such as sex and love are not crazy at all, it is often adults who are uncomfortable about them. Or find it weird to talk about sex with a child. Kids can ask why you’re not having pizza that night one minute and ask them the next how children are made. It’s just curiosity and you can answer these questions in a simple way.
Guus (4) and mother Mirthe (32): “Mom, I have to tell you something. Nora and Alex and I kissed each other today. Nora and Alex kissed each other and I kissed them on the cheek.”
Brent (7) and mother Nadia (36): “Today Mink showed his penis under the table so I showed mine too.”
Lotte (6) and mother Lisa (39): “We have a vagina, don’t we, mom? And dad a dick right? A really big one.” Mother Lisa: “We were standing in a busy queue at the supermarket…”
Important: teach boundaries when talking to children about sex
It is very important when talking to children about sex and love learning boundaries. Learning to recognize boundaries in others is also part of this. Explain that what is in your child’s underpants belongs to your child and that someone else is not allowed to touch it. Let your child know there is different kinds of secrets and that it can always come to you when something is wrong. Also make sure that your child learns to trust his own gut feeling, his intuition. That saying no is okay, that it can refuse a kiss from grandma and that it can never do anything to someone else if they don’t want to.
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Why you can start talking to your child about love and sex at this age