It is a violence described as insidious, which cannot be seen, and which is rarely spoken of as it affects the intimate sphere. However, the economic and salary inequalities between men and women, increasingly denounced in society, would also have real consequences within the household itself. “How many women do we know who, in the name of a choice of couple, put themselves on part-time, questions Myriam Bigeard, departmental councilor (PS) of Loire-Atlantique in charge of gender equality, at the occasion of a public conference organized in Nantes by the community on the subject, last week. A time that is not synonymous with leisure, but with partial pay, limited promotions, and important domestic work. And sometimes a real sense of control. »
So, when we love, we really don’t count? Lucile Quilletauthor of The price to pay, what the straight couple costs women, in any case rejects this adage. Aesthetic charge, contraceptive charge… according to the journalist, who has squarely grouped these expenses under the term “big addition”, “women lose a lot of money on behalf of the couple” or in order to form one. For example, “a woman will devote 20,000 euros to hair removal costs in her lifetime! So much money spent in the name of sexist stereotypes that exist in heterosexual couples, and which will not be invested elsewhere”. An “invisible money”, as when “the female salary is thought of as the equivalent of a nanny budget” or that “Madam does her spouse’s accounts for free in the evening”, which would escape them throughout their lives.
Pay 50/50? “An Illusion of Equality”
After a meal in a restaurant with your spouse, paying the bill half and half is, for example, increasingly practiced by couples, in the name of equality. “It would be fair if the company also did 50/50, engages Lucile Quillet. There, it is an illusion since the women in couple perceive an annual income 42% lower than that of their spouse. Finally, in the name of feminism, men save more. And beware of the “ripple effect” induced by pro-rata payment. “This can create a feeling of accountability in the woman, with a man who pays more and who could ask her to compensate with domestic work”, warns Lucile Quillet. And sometimes go even further: according to calls from the national number 3919 for women victims of violence, 20% denounce the economic violence experienced within the couple, indicates the departmental council.
At the Solidarité Femmes association, it is confirmed that the phenomenon is part of the “continuum” of domestic violence. “The objective is to hinder and limit the independence and choices of women, observes Lucie Gueirreiro, employee of the association in Loire-Atlantique. This can go through total control of receipts, incessant criticism of purchases and how to manage the budget, confiscation of the credit card. Women also say that the authors come to use their account, use their identity to open loans or credits… And at the time of separation, who reimburses? »
Gender stereotypes around the relationship to money
For Lucile Quillet, a large part of these behaviors can be explained by the gendered stereotypes that persist around the relationship to money. “Negotiating, counting, is still highly valued for a man, whereas for a woman, the goal of life must remain that of being loved. If you count, that means you’re venal, interested, and not really in love. However, discussing the issue together, as couples who manage to lift the taboo do, could greatly help things go for the best.
“Talking about money, better sharing, putting both names on property deeds, rethinking the value that each brings, thinking about their matrimonial regime are avenues to explore on an individual scale, believes Lucile Quillet. But the State must also bring itself up to date, deconjugalize social benefits, establish better paternity leave, create more places in crèches… In the name of love, women must not deny their individuality. »