Dubai, United Arab Emirates (CNN) — My teenage years, like many others, were difficult. Weak, confused, and disoriented, I recorded the smallest details of my experience in the pages of my diary, the contents of which I kept secret.
Looking back, I see that there was beauty in these difficult years. All these strong feelings helped me know who I am, and what kind of people I want to be surrounded by. I also feel fortunate to be part of the last generation that lived their childhood away from digital life, and the last to be influenced by Generation X (between the early 1960s and early 1980s) rather than the self-improvers that came after that. And these strong feelings were somewhat shielded from societal influences that dictated that I should do this, and be more like that.
But this is not true today. Girls grow up with increasing external pressures on them, which makes them more psychologically disturbed during their transition into adolescence and adulthood than was the case before. In recent years, research has shown a sharp rise in depression and anxiety among girls, with rates significantly higher than among boys.
In her new book, Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Girls Grow in an Age of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media, Donna Jackson Nakazawa looks at what causes this, and what we can do about it.
CNN spoke with Nakazawa about the impact of new brain science on girls and puberty, and how our fast-paced online lifestyle does not align well with our psychological needs.
CNN: What makes this age stage of life more emotionally difficult for teenage girls?
Donna Jackson Nakazawa: There is a lot of focus on performance and competition. Our 7-13-year-olds miss this important part of childhood, like hanging out with friends, lying on the grass chatting about anything. We’ve replaced that with a fast-moving culture, and added to it, social media, which children aren’t supposed to be exposed to before the age of 13, but many of them imbibe much earlier.
Once connected to social media, the focus on appearance affects girls in particular. They will get ‘likes’ or ‘dislikes’ based on how they look and how much sexier they are than boys. They learn that the less clothes they wear, the more “likes” they get, and that their bodies will be evaluated.
Add to that the threats of global warming, gun attacks on schools, and more. Everything is heating up, literally, and social media platforms have been created to heighten these emotions. Then we need to highlight the stark reality that girls are routinely exposed to additional threats, such as sexual harassment, rape, and violence against women because they are female.
CNN: And girls’ brains are especially sensitive to these stresses?
Nakazawa: Puberty is marked by a particularly fragile stage of brain development for girls. Of course, this also applies to boys and everyone who experiences this stage, but it is more prominent in girls. And when the body begins to release estrogen during puberty, it’s particularly potent in terms of potentially increasing a strong stress response to undiluted stress, and there’s good reason for that.
And estrogen, in evolutionary terms, is a very cool hormone and a master regulator of the brain. And the good side of it, under normal circumstances, gives a woman this extra immune response that helps keep her healthy and strong. But when a woman faces significant and persistent stress in her environment, it can lead to our systems overreacting. Therefore, women had a stronger response to vaccines, and they did not suffer from autoimmune diseases more often than men. Social stressors can provoke an immune response similar to that of exposure to physical harm.
When girls experience significant social and emotional stress in parallel with the initiation of estrogen production during puberty, this may exacerbate the stress’s adverse effects on health and development.
CNN: In addition, girls experience puberty at a younger age
Nakazawa: Puberty comes at a younger age, when the brain is not supposed to be reshaped. All those parts of the brain that help distinguish what we should respond to and what we shouldn’t respond to, and when we need help, haven’t been triggered yet.
Scientists have been trying to explain why puberty occurs so early, but we know it does. Back in 1800, girls started menstruating at the age of 16; In 2020, the average age of puberty was 11 years. This could be due to stress or a shift in diet. Some neuroscientists hypothesize that the sexual arousal that girls experience at an early age may be another part of the reason for their early puberty.
Whatever the reason, more girls are going through early puberty, which means they have feelings, and are experiencing increased stress before their brains are wired to deal with it. This is called an evolutionary mismatch.
CNN: Everyone considers puberty to be a period of intense feelings, as well as some level of alienation. How do you distinguish between typical moody teens and a mental health disorder?
Nakazawa: The classic sign is that your child is no longer talking to you or anyone else. Is withdrawn, becomes irritable, quarrels with friends, sleeps all the time or doesn’t sleep at all, and suffers from constant sadness, despair, and fatigue.
That’s why, when your daughter discloses difficult things she is going through, try to make it a good experience for her. If the child thinks he can talk to his parents about anything, that tells us a lot about the child’s condition. Parents need to try to find ways to keep the conversation with their child open, not just with them, but with anyone, be it an aunt or a favorite teacher.
CNN: However, solving this problem is not something that parents can handle or they don’t have to do on their own, right?
Nakazawa: There are many different ways to fit into the wider community. A lot of parents think they’re going through it on their own, but that’s wrong, and we shouldn’t think that we have to put up with it all on our own. There will be a time when our children won’t talk to us, and it’s okay to reach out to the school and say you need help. You are not a failure if your child is anxious or depressed, and you cannot handle it on your own. But why do we think we’re the only ones with viable advice?
Speech therapy may help bypass this stage, and there is very good evidence. So if the community was bigger, it might provide a lot of reassurance to the kids, because that’s how humans evolved over time, we all knew the tribe would protect us. We come from communal environments, but today we suffer from isolation, and children feel as if they are competing with each other, which makes them feel less connected.
It’s important that you engage with the local community, that your children learn about the wider world, that they understand how important they are, that there are adults in the world who say, “I’m waiting for you there.” Our children should be involved in community-wide events, not related to performance or evaluation, external validation, or the building of their résumés. Rather, these experiences help them see their importance because they are important, and in doing so they build their intrinsic value.
In sum, the more we make the wider world compelling, engaging and exciting for our girls, rich in healthy communication, and different from the online world of social media, the more secure our girls will feel. When this is done, they are less likely to engage in a mechanism that stresses their brains, and they have a better chance of getting through their teenage years without feeling depressed or anxious.