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Vasundhara Sawhney is a senior editor at the Harvard Business Review.
Whenever I’m faced with a difficult decision, I want someone else to tell me what to do. why is it happening? I understand that difficult conversations are, well, difficult – especially when we are just at the beginning of our careers and have to decide which job or path is right for us. How do you make such choices more confidently?
I reached out to Kate Barsch, a junior lecturer at ESADE Business School in Barcelona, who recently published, in collaboration with Serena Hegerty, a PhD student at Harvard Business School, an article that discusses the question of how far people will go to avoid a difficult decision. It turns out that very far. They found that people are even willing to put themselves in an objectively worse position, just to excuse themselves from making a decision.
The decision – burden or privilege?
Why do people hate making decisions so much?
Barsh: “Making decisions can be stressful. Some decisions are stressful because they are simply difficult. These can be choices where a lot is at stake or have far-reaching consequences, and/or those that deal with unpleasant or particularly controversial options. But unfortunately, the stress that accompanies decision-making is not limited to a special category of ‘difficult decisions’, which are faced relatively rarely.
“There are factors that can make even low-risk everyday decisions difficult and stressful. For example, we have difficulty choosing when there are too many options (what to eat for lunch?), when we are tired or pressed for time (registering for a course when the registration deadline ends in an hour), or When we are faced with an area that is new to us, that allows less certainty about our preferences (choosing to relocate between two cities you have never been to, for example.) Because we are all wired differently, a decision that seems terribly difficult to one may seem simple and easy to another.
“In addition, people are reluctant to make difficult choices (objective and subjective), because they don’t want the pressure of weighing all the options, or the responsibility of dealing with the end result, good or bad. This makes us avoid difficult choices and invent all kinds of ways to escape from them.”
It seems as if the burden of choice is a privilege.
“Yes, I completely agree. At the end of each semester I tell my students, so many people in the world would kill to have more options and freedom of choice, but those who receive them, and when they have too many options, feel it is a burden.
“The burden also stems from the increased effort required to collect all the relevant information to make the decision or choice. We don’t want to miss anything, and that can be exhausting. Even after you’ve made a decision, there is still a fear that you might have missed an important piece of information, but At least we get to be able to choose, compared to those who don’t have that option.”
Ask the waiter to choose a dish for you
How does the difficulty in deciding manifest itself in behavior?
“Researchers have uncovered several ways in which people deal with difficult decisions. Most of them are adapted to alleviate future regret due to a ‘wrong’ choice. For example, people may delegate the difficult decision to someone else – ask the doctor to choose a difficult treatment for you, or ask a waiter to make the decision between two dishes that you are debating between them. People may also postpone a decision – ‘I’ll just think about it again next month’ – or stick with the status quo to avoid actively choosing something at all.
“In our research we found that to avoid in advance a situation where a difficult choice might arise, some people actually hope for worse news. In one study we asked people to imagine that they were seeking treatment for a torn shoulder tendon. If the length of the tear is severe enough, surgery will be medically necessary; below this threshold , the surgery will be optional and the final decision on the treatment will remain in their hands. We discovered that a significant number of people preferred a more severe injury, so that they would not be forced to decide.”
How do we deal better with difficult decisions?
“The first thing is to recognize and be aware of all the ways (which are sometimes unconscious) in which we try to avoid difficult choices. You can try to reduce the erroneous coping mechanisms – sometimes by clarifying your preferences. You can consult with experts, talk to a family member or co-worker or prepare A list of pros and cons. Research also suggests tossing a coin to determine the outcome; enlightenment comes when the coin is in the air, and then you realize what you actually hope will come out. In addition, find support. It is helpful to tell people that you are faced with a difficult decision, because it is not always clear.”
What role does regret play in paralyzing the ability to make decisions?
“When you manage to reduce anticipated regret, decisions become easier. Taking steps to reframe the choice as final – can help. Simple examples are closing the menu after choosing your dish, or not checking the status of the company after rejecting its job offer. So, in words others: acceptance”.
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