2024-03-18 03:35:20
Instead of engaging the heart, engage the brain. 6 distinctive features of a strong psyche
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Drama is redundant when you fail at something. Exclaiming “I’m a failure” is harmful, psychologists advise. Failure is an event, not a person. Never think of failure as an indicator of your personal qualities. If you experience it this way, it will be much harder to get out. And when you get stuck in suffering, frustration, anger, despair, whatever you do, it won’t work.
Silence your whining ego, don’t grab your heart, engage your brain.
First, for inspiration, see what smart people are saying.
Thomas Edison, the discoverer of the light bulb, spent a long time developing its prototype, but it still didn’t work out for him. He was asked why he kept trying after so many failures. “I haven’t failed. I just found 10,000 ways that don’t work,” the inventor replied. Scientists believe that disproving a hypothesis is just as useful as proving it because they have learned something along the way.
Briton Richard Branson is a billionaire for no reason. He claims that he is used to accepting failure with open arms, analyzing it by breaking it into smaller parts and trying to get something positive out of each one by not repeating the same mistake. “I work day and night to avoid failure. But if I fail, I will get up the next day. The most important thing for entrepreneurs is not to be discouraged by failures,” he says.
In short, failure is a part of life. Sometimes it comes rarely, other times often. If you think it will never happen to you, you are utopian. If you think that everything happens to you, you are a pessimist. Optimistic realists are the quickest to take responsibility for their failure and begin to learn lessons.
In the fastest way does not mean immediately. Give yourself a day or two to suffer. Share with friends. Take a break and do something fun to clear your head.
Then sit down to think. Dramatizing by telling yourself “I’m a failure” is the first harmful. But the second harmful thing is to tell yourself that it is not your fault. This is 99.99% of the time not true. The failure most likely happened because of you – because of the things you did or didn’t do. It is crucial to separate one from the other.
Before that, though, to make sure you’re not one of those 0.01% innocent of your failure, analyze the things that were within your control and those that were not. If you write them in two slender columns, the truth will shine.
Naturally, you must be honest and objective. A sudden natural disaster is not under your control. But with the previous day’s snow that kept you from making it to a meeting and missing out on a deal, that’s not quite the case. If you had planned enough time for the trip.
Then keep track of everything you’ve done. As Richard Branson advises, break your actions down into parts. Carefully examine them and you will see where the errors are that led to the failure. Don’t waste your time, write: “I did, but I shouldn’t” or “I didn’t, but I should”. It means giving yourself the opportunity to learn.
Probably in this analysis you will be angry. If it gets too much, stop. But don’t give up, keep going the next day. This is the only way to find out why you failed and not repeat the mistakes.
This is a chance to get out of this particular setback – maybe to see the problem that has tripped you up from a new angle and find its solution. You may also learn something new about yourself – for example, that you overestimated some of your abilities or that you underestimated your intuition, trusting colleagues too much.
In this process, you can also ask for help from a friend or colleague whom you can trust. Sometimes the person on the sidelines sees the problems much more clearly and evaluates the events more objectively. Of course, if you tell him honestly.
Finally, go back to thinking about what is in your control and what is not. Count again what are the things that are in your hands. If you failed due to lack of knowledge or skills, take a course or read to inform yourself. If you’ve overestimated your ability to go it alone, look for literature on teamwork, attracting collaborators and allies, delegating responsibilities, organization, etc.
When you go through all these steps, you will be aware of what happened and why, how it can not happen again, and you will gain confidence. You need it because one of the most unpleasant consequences of failure is fear, that he will come again. Because of this fear, people become overcautious, begin to consider decisions for a long time, avoid even measured risks. The result is more often than not a delay on the road to success.
As they say, failure should “keep you moist” but not fail you. You will help yourself if synthesize write down the lessons you’ve learned. Periodically review them to make sure you’re sticking to the right path and not repeating mistakes. This way you will give yourself courage and position yourself for success.
Remember that there are two reasons to tell yourself with a clear conscience “I’m a failure”: when you give up and when you don’t grow.
6 distinctive features of a strong psyche
It’s very easy to live your life when everything is “flowers and roses”. How resilient and flexible a person is, however, is known through difficulties.
One of them is undoubtedly a failure at work. But toh not the scariest event. It can take at most third place in the ranking – after health problems and misunderstandings in the family.
When you are healthy and in your relationships with loved ones everything is fine, look at failure at work simply as an unpleasant event. Show a strong psyche and you will get away.
Right at this moment, you will know if you have it by 6 signs.
1. People with a strong psyche don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves. This is self-destructive behavior, wasting the precious number of days you have to be happy. No matter what happened, you can always look for and find something good to inspire you. Think again about the ranking: the two most important things in life are fine for you – health and relationships with loved ones.
2. People with a strong psyche find fun even in absurd situations. You have failed, life seems terrible. But if you give up your sense of humor, will it get better? Self-deprecation can be helpful in dealing with a difficult situation. Let’s say, think of it this way: I learn more from my failures than from my triumphs. Mistakes remind me of my humanity. Today’s success could lead to my failure tomorrow because it would make me complacent.
3. People with a strong psyche do not dwell on the past. Whether it is good or bad, it cannot be changed. But it can fail the future. Therefore, the only useful thing is to learn the necessary lessons from the past by rethinking the facts. The failure has already occurred. Be logical, analyze without putting emotions. Draw your conclusions and move on. Not putting emotions when you shouldn’t, however, is a very important sign of a strong psyche. Composure is proven to help logic.
4. People with a strong psyche do not feel that the world owes them anything. It’s easy to get frustrated and angry that life hasn’t rewarded you for so much effort and that you’ve failed. But this only hurts yourself and prevents you from being more effective in achieving success.
5. People with a strong psyche do not expect immediate results. They know that success doesn’t happen overnight, that failure is a part of life. People with a weak psyche are impatient, vulnerable and dramatic. They often overestimate their abilities, and when they fail, they begin to underestimate themselves. You will show yourself strong if you learn from the failure and consider it as personal progress because you have gained valuable experience.
6. People with a strong psyche do not give up even after several failures. They analyze them again and again and learn the lessons. The road to success is built on trial and error, more often than not one or two. Don’t let failures get you down. See them not as an abyss into which you have fallen, but as a springboard, as an opportunity for growth. By the way, in English the word resilience comes from the Latin resilire, which means “to bounce back”.
Yes, unfortunately success is not instant. It requires hard work, perseverance and endurance.
In “The Right Man” you can read more:
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How to complain to your boss without crying
7 techniques to know if you can trust a colleague
A trick to parry a detractor with the Franklin effect
Learned Helplessness – Get Rid of It to Succeed
Thriving with a Blue Ocean Strategy
How to put a “bait effect” so that the boss, colleagues and partners believe you
In the heat of the moment, act like a boss to become a boss
Scientifically proven: You love your work – you live longer
Specific techniques on how not to smoke if you work a lot
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