It deals with stories about the deep things in the heart. If you have any questions about life such as, “Why is it like this?” or “Why can’t my heart do what I want?”, please let me know by e-mail ([email protected]). Let’s think about it together.
It is said that couples start to resemble each other as they live. This is because they cry and laugh about the same things, eat the same food, live in the same living environment, and make the same facial expressions, which results in similar signs of aging on their faces. Because of this plausible explanation, the idea that couples start to resemble each other has become almost accepted as an established theory.
But it is not true that couples start to look alike. I tend to be attracted to people who look like me, so I marry that person. Couples look the most similar at the beginning of their marriage, but as time goes by, their faces start to change. What does this mean?
● “Are they siblings?” I’m marrying someone who looks similar from the start.
The belief that ‘couples come to resemble each other’ began with a 1987 study by American psychologist Robert Zaians titled ‘Convergence of Spouse Physical Appearances’. At the time, 110 experimental participants were shown wedding photos and photos taken 25 years later of 12 couples and asked to compare how much they resembled each other.
As a result, the participants judged the couple’s faces to be more similar 25 years later than when they got married. From then on, the idea that couples become more similar over time began to be accepted as an established fact.
![“You’re in this… 22%” Couples don’t become more alike, they were originally alike[최고야의 심심(心深)토크]](https://dimg.donga.com/wps/NEWS/IMAGE/2024/08/23/126659231.1.jpg "“You’re in this… 22%” Couples don’t become more alike, they were originally alike[최고야의 심심(心深)토크]")
Later, other researchers tried to scientifically re-examine this content, but they did not get the same results. Michal Kosinski, a professor at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, found this strange and decided to re-examine it properly on 517 couples. The subjects of the analysis were one photo taken within two years of the husband and wife’s marriage and one photo taken 20 to 69 years after the marriage. The average length of marriage among the 517 couples was 49 years.
This time, we used two methods to analyze how similar the couples were. First, we used facial recognition AI for objective analysis, and asked 153 experimental participants how similar they thought the couples were to see how people saw them. If the hypothesis that couples become more and more similar is correct, the similarity score should gradually increase as the marriage period gets longer.
However, both in AI analysis and human subjective evaluation, The average resemblance index of those 20 to 69 years after marriage The similarity index at the beginning of marriage It was higher. It means that the saying that couples become more similar as time goes by is wrong.
The graph below shows the resemblance index of couples evaluated by AI. The blue bar indicates the resemblance index at the beginning of marriage, and the green bar indicates the resemblance index after 20 to 69 years of marriage. The leftmost graph shows the overall average, and the resemblance index at the beginning of marriage was higher. Except for couples who had been married for 40 to 49 years and 60 to 69 years, overall, faces at the beginning of marriage were found to be more similar to each other than faces after several decades of marriage.
The graph below shows the results of people’s subjective evaluations. Up until the 39th year of marriage, they gradually became more similar, but as the marriage period increased beyond 40 years, they began to look less similar. In fact, it can be said that as people get older, their individuality is revealed more in their faces due to their personality and values, and the gap widens.
But one thing that is certain here is that from the beginning, people choose spouses who resemble each other. The dotted line in the middle of the graph represents the average similarity index among strangers who are not family members. In all graphs, the similarity index bars are higher than the dotted line, indicating that the couple resembles each other more than average.
Of course, not all couples in the world have similar faces. There are even many cases where we are attracted to appearances and personalities that are the opposite of our own. This is because when choosing a spouse, there is a kind of compensation psychology that wants aspects that we do not have. However, Professor Kosinski said, “Sometimes you can be attracted to opposites, but it is an exception and not a rule.”
● I am attracted to people who are 22% similar to me.
The similarity effect can explain the feeling of liking someone who is similar to you. When someone has similar characteristics to you, you feel closer to them and can quickly form intimacy. Also, evaluating someone who is similar to you negatively can feel like evaluating yourself negatively, so there is a bias that makes you look at them more positively than you actually are.
So does that mean the more similar someone is, the more attractive they feel? On the contrary, when choosing a dating or marriage partner, they say they prefer someone who resembles them ‘moderately’, even if they resemble them. How much does it have to be to feel rational attraction?
Researchers at the University of Oslo’s Department of Psychology conducted an experiment in which they recruited 10 couples who had been together for more than two years and synthesized their faces into one another. In each photo of the couple’s face, they subtly synthesized only the eyes, nose, and mouth of the other person, while leaving the hair, jaw, ear outline, and head size intact. For example, they would slightly synthesize the girlfriend’s face into the eyes, nose, and mouth of the boyfriend’s face, leaving the rest of the face the same. In doing so, they gradually increased the level of synthesis between the original face and the partner’s face to 11%, 22%, and 33%.
To contrast this, we also created separate photos of standard male and female faces of the same age group, each photoshopped onto the face of their partner. For example, we would photoshop the features of a standard female face of the same age group onto the eyes, nose, and mouth of the girlfriend. This time, we varied the level of synthesizing to 11%, 22%, and 33%. Then, we asked each partner to choose which photo among the slightly altered photos was the most attractive (sexy).
As a result, the photo ranked as the most attractive was the face of the other person who resembled them by 22%. Next were photos that were composited with standard facial features of same-sex peers at a ratio of 33% and 22%, respectively. Surprisingly, the photo that looked 33% like me came in last in the preference survey. Faces that looked too similar to me were actually not preferred.
The research team said about the 22% figure, “It’s a bit similar to me, but not blatantly similar, so it’s moderately attractive.” Rather, if they look too similar, they may actually be genetically close, so they avoid them, but if they don’t look too similar, they don’t feel attracted. The research team also added, “You can feel more attracted when your lover’s face is similar to yours rather than objectively handsome and pretty.”
● Emotions gradually become more similar… based on the more ‘strong’ person
It is true that you should choose someone who looks similar from the beginning, but it is also true that you gradually become more similar emotionally. It is true that as time goes by, people tend to hang out together.
Researchers at Northwestern University and the University of California, Berkeley, looked at how emotionally similar 60 couples who had been together for an average of 22 months became over time. First, they measured their relationship satisfaction, relative power, and personality. Questions about relative power included, “My partner influences the way I think and feel about myself,” and “My partner influences the social gatherings I attend.”
They were also asked to describe in detail their emotional reactions to recent events that made them feel good or bad. For example, they were asked to describe what they were worried about these days and what emotions they felt at that time. Then, six months later, they were asked to repeat the same task. In the meantime, 21 couples broke up and one couple dropped out, leaving only 38 couples.
Comparing their results before and after 6 months, it was found that the emotional similarity between the lovers had increased significantly. This means that the emotional reactions they showed when experiencing good or bad things had become more similar. Even when the first survey was conducted, the target was couples who had been together for more than 22 months, so a fairly high level of emotional similarity was already found, but in the second survey, the range increased even more.
But the interesting thing is that between the two giga more Tends to adapt to the emotions of ‘strong’ peopleThe one with the lower power of the two is the one with the higher power. As you pay more attention to the person, observe them, mimic their reactions, and adjust to their moods, eventually the two of you become more similar.
In some ways, you might wonder if one side is trying to please others by keeping an eye on them. However, as emotional similarity increases, the relationship satisfaction between the two increases, and it becomes the secret to becoming a long-lasting couple. In fact, couples who broke up after the first survey had lower emotional similarity compared to other couples who maintained their relationship until the second survey. In the end, couples who have maintained a relationship for a long time not only have somewhat similar appearances, but also become more and more similar emotionally. Isn’t this why some people claim that ‘couples’ appearances become more similar over time’ has been considered an established theory for more than 30 years?
Reporter Choi Go-ya [email protected]
2024-08-25 02:19:03