In the TV Chosun entertainment program ‘I’m Alone Now’ that aired on the 5th, Yulhee from the girl group Laboum announced that she would seek custody of her children against her ex-husband, FT Island member Choi Minhwan.
Yulhee said, “When the two words ‘divorce’ first came into my life, I wanted to overcome the crisis. I thought I could overcome this hurt and hardship. Because we are in love and have children. But, ‘I can’t overcome it.’ When we felt that we had done it, both of us (with Choi Min-hwan) had already decided that it was right for us to divorce, but the issue was not whether we should raise the children or not.”
He continued, “What parent wouldn’t want to see my blood? Who wouldn’t want to live with me or raise me? That was the hardest part. But when I thought about finding a house and starting work again while my three children and I were heading from scratch, I thought about this situation. Since it was the father who was at the least risk in terms of change, I decided to give custody to the children. On the last night of the custody agreement, I watched the children while they were sleeping and thought, ‘I don’t think I can live without the baby.’ “Is that right? Did I make a good choice?” he said, shedding tears.
Yulhee said that she decided to appear on ‘Now I’m Alone’ because she wanted to tell her story after seeing the countless negative comments that poured in after the custody agreement. She emphasized, “I have never abandoned my responsibility as a mother,” and added, “I have never abandoned my children. I wanted to tell them that when I meet them, I still get along well and am happy.”
At the same time, he revealed that the reason for exposing Choi Min-hwan’s ‘entry into the business’ was to regain custody. Yulhee said, ”I didn’t want to reveal that story until now. I really didn’t want to reveal it more than anyone else. The reason I gave up custody at that time was because it was so difficult for that year that I didn’t have time to think rationally. When I first found out, I said, ‘Let’s get a divorce,’ and I tried to bring the children, but I had no knowledge of (divorce) and at the time, I felt exhausted, distressed, and mentally unstable, so I couldn’t help but feel scared when the topic of divorce came up. (Choi Min-hwan) said that we should go for a divorce by agreement rather than a lawsuit, so I said I knew.”
Regarding the reason for handing over custody, Yulhee said, “I didn’t have the resources or the energy to file a lawsuit, so I thought I would make the best choice for the children. At that time, my ex-husband and my mother would look after the children. For now, I would take care of childcare at my parents’ home.” I can’t do that. My parents are both working and I have a younger sibling. When I go to my parents’ house, I end up having to live with 7 people in an apartment measuring 30 pyeong. “The difference in the situation my ex-husband was able to create was too big, so I ended up losing in that reality,” she explained.
Yulhee said, “There was a comment like that. ‘No matter how hard it was, if I had tried hard and come to my senses and filed a lawsuit, the current situation wouldn’t have happened and the children would have been happy next to their mother.’ After seeing this comment, I really reflected and regretted it a lot. “If I had had a little more mental strength at the time, I wouldn’t have made that choice,” she said, revealing the truth she couldn’t tell.
Previously, Yulhee and Choi Minhwan had one son and two daughters after getting married in 2018, but announced the news of their divorce in December last year. At the time of divorce, it was agreed that Choi Minhwan would have custody of the children.
Time.news Editor (TNE): Welcome to our segment today, where we delve into the emotional intricacies of modern parenthood and divorce. Joining us is Dr. Sung Min-ho, a child psychologist and expert on family dynamics. Thank you for being here, Dr. Min-ho.
Dr. Sung Min-ho (DSM): Thank you for having me. It’s a pleasure to discuss such an important topic.
TNE: Recently, Yulhee from the girl group Laboum shared a deeply emotional narrative on the show ‘I’m Alone Now.’ She announced her intention to seek custody of her children from her ex-husband, Choi Min-hwan of FT Island. What were your initial thoughts on her statements?
DSM: Yulhee’s situation is a poignant reflection of the complexities surrounding divorce and child custody. Her expression of loss and regret is common in such scenarios. It illustrates the internal conflict many parents face when they prioritize their children’s needs while grappling with their own emotional turmoil.
TNE: She mentioned the difficulty of “overcoming” the crisis of divorce. How does this resonate with what you see in your practice?
DSM: Absolutely. The process of divorce often feels like an emotional battleground for parents. They experience grief, anger, and sometimes guilt, which can cloud their judgment. It’s crucial for them to navigate these emotions to make decisions that ultimately serve their children’s best interests. Yulhee’s tears signify her deep love and attachment to her children, which is vital for healthy parenting.
TNE: In her interview, Yulhee revealed the pain of deciding custody and the fear of losing connection with her children. How critical is that bond during and after such transitions?
DSM: That bond is essential. Children thrive when they feel secure, loved, and connected to their parents. Yulhee’s desire to maintain that connection while expressing her struggles speaks to the heart of co-parenting challenges. It’s important for both parents to remain engaged in their children’s lives, even if the romantic relationship has ended.
TNE: She also shared that the public’s negative comments post-custody agreement impacted her decision to speak out. What role does public perception play in the lives of separated parents, especially public figures?
DSM: Public perception can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can amplify feelings of insecurity and shame, especially when dealing with complex emotional issues like custody. On the other hand, speaking out can foster understanding and support from others going through similar situations. It’s a brave step Yulhee took by sharing her story, as it can potentially create a dialogue around the stigmas attached to single parenting and custody battles.
TNE: Yulhee mentioned that her ex-husband’s entry into the business was a factor in her custody decision. How do financial and career dynamics affect custody decisions?
DSM: Financial stability is a significant factor in custody determinations. Often, the parent who can provide a stable environment—emotionally and financially—finds it easier to secure custody. If one parent has a demanding career, it can lead to questions about their availability and ability to provide consistent care. Unfortunately, such dynamics can inadvertently position parents against each other, complicating the issue further.
TNE: Lastly, Dr. Min-ho, what advice would you give to those navigating a similar situation to Yulhee?
DSM: I would encourage parents to seek professional guidance, whether through counseling or support groups, to process their emotions and arm themselves with knowledge regarding custody rights. Communication is key—actively co-parenting and putting child welfare first can make a daunting journey less isolating. It’s crucial to remember that maintaining a loving bond with children can transcend the circumstances of divorce.
TNE: Thank you, Dr. Min-ho, for your insights today. It’s clear that discussions surrounding divorce and custody are not just legal matters—they are emotional journeys that require compassion, understanding, and support.
DSM: Thank you for bringing attention to such an important topic. It’s crucial we continue to dialogue about these issues to foster healthier family dynamics.