The dating app landscape is, to put it mildly, exhausting. Endless swiping, carefully curated profiles that often feel inauthentic, and conversations that fizzle before they begin have left many feeling disillusioned. But a new London-based app, Sonder, is attempting a different approach – one that deliberately introduces friction. Instead of streamlining the process, Sonder’s founders have created a sign-up experience that’s intentionally a little… annoying. And, surprisingly, it seems to be working. The core idea behind this counterintuitive strategy is to weed out those who aren’t genuinely invested in finding a connection, and to foster a more authentic community.
Sonder’s founders – Mehedi Hassan, Helen Sun, Lenard Pratt, and Hannah Kin – all in their mid-twenties – found themselves frustrated with the existing options. “We didn’t learn that people are frustrated through user calls or interviews or any of that,” Hassan explained to TechCrunch. “We learned that through our own experience – we’re just like, this can’t be it.” The team recognized a common thread: dating apps often feel like a superficial game, prioritizing quantity over quality. This observation isn’t groundbreaking, but Sonder’s response is.
A Profile That Feels Like a Mood Board
Unlike the formulaic questionnaires and prompt-based profiles of apps like Hinge or Bumble, Sonder encourages users to build something more akin to a digital collage or Pinterest board. There are no pre-defined fields to fill out; instead, users are given a blank canvas to express themselves through images, text, and links. This unstructured format is a deliberate departure from the “job application” feel of many dating apps, as Sun described. The goal is to allow personality to shine through, rather than forcing users to fit into pre-determined boxes.
This emphasis on authenticity extends beyond the profile itself. Sonder isn’t solely focused on romantic connections; it similarly facilitates platonic relationships. This broader scope is reflected in the app’s in-person events, which range from “Speed Drawing” sessions to “Presentation Night” and even a somewhat infamous “Performative Male Contest” – a concept that, according to The San Francisco Standard, is indeed a thing. These events aim to create a less intimidating atmosphere than traditional dating scenarios, where the pressure to identify a romantic partner can be overwhelming.
Beyond Swiping: The Rise of In-Person Connection
Sonder’s focus on in-person interaction isn’t unique. Even established players like Tinder are now experimenting with in-person experiences, recognizing that digital connections often benefit from a real-world component. However, Sonder believes its early-stage status gives it an advantage. A Tinder-branded event might evoke skepticism, while the novelty of Sonder’s approach is proving to be a draw.
The founders emphasize the importance of recurring events, fostering a sense of community and providing opportunities for repeated interactions. “It’s emulating run clubs in some way, where you have this reoccurring opportunity to meet people, but there is no pressure in that sense that you have to make it work the first time that you notice someone,” Sun explained. Hassan added, with a touch of self-deprecation, “I hate running… Not everyone’s going to be interested in run clubs.” Sonder aims to offer alternatives that cater to a wider range of interests.
AI, But Not as You Know It
While Sonder prioritizes a human touch, it isn’t entirely averse to artificial intelligence. Hassan, who also works in product engineering at AI note-taking app Granola, confirmed that the app utilizes AI to suggest matches. However, this implementation is subtle, relying on an LLM to analyze screenshots of user profiles. Crucially, Hassan has resisted the temptation to introduce AI-powered profile generation tools, believing that such features would undermine the app’s commitment to authenticity. “I think at that point, it loses the human touch of it,” he said. “So even though we’re probably losing out on hundreds of users, and there’s a lot of friction setting up the profile, we wish to make sure it’s an actual person putting their own effort in to make that profile, given that I think that also acts as an indicator of how much effort you’re actually interested in putting into your connections.”
Currently, Sonder boasts approximately 6,500 users in London, acquired organically without any paid marketing. The founders are currently balancing their full-time jobs with the demands of running the app, but Hassan hopes to secure funding and dedicate themselves to Sonder full-time, while maintaining its London base. “Our life is very tiring for us, to be honest. We work nine to five, then proceed to host this event at the finish of the day,” he admitted. “But the next day, when I actually go through the videos, it’s actually really nice to see people smiling so much and having genuine conversations.”
The success of Sonder hinges on its ability to maintain this delicate balance between intentional friction and genuine connection. As the app grows, the challenge will be to scale its community-focused approach without sacrificing the authenticity that sets it apart. The founders are betting that, in a world saturated with superficiality, a little bit of effort is worth it for those seeking something real.
Sonder is currently focused on expanding its presence in London and refining its event offerings. The team has not yet announced specific plans for international expansion, but Hassan indicated that it remains a long-term goal. For those interested in learning more or joining the Sonder community, the app is available for download, and information about upcoming events can be found on their Linktree page.
What are your thoughts on Sonder’s approach to dating? Share your experiences and opinions in the comments below.
