Brandi Carlile on Happiness, Regret, and the Pursuit of Objective Truth
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A celebrated musician and philanthropist, Brandi Carlile, 44, reflects on a life marked by artistic achievement, personal fulfillment, and a continuing journey of self-discovery. From her 2005 self-titled debut to eleven Grammy Awards and collaborations with music icons like Joni Mitchell and Elton John, Carlile’s career has been one of consistent growth and impact. Her most recent album, Returning to Myself, released last month, adds to a discography that includes the Oscar-nominated song “Never Too Late” with Elton John, and her involvement in the country supergroup, the Highwomen. Beyond music, Carlile has also authored a memoir and established the Looking Out Foundation, demonstrating a commitment to both artistic expression and social responsibility.
A Moment of Equilibrium
Currently residing in Washington state with her wife and two daughters, Carlile describes herself as experiencing a particularly fulfilling chapter. “I’m the happiest right now,” she shares. “I can see that I’m in a kind of sweet spot: my parents are alive, my kids are little, my wife is hot and my body doesn’t hurt.” This sense of contentment underscores a life balanced between professional success and deeply cherished personal relationships.
Confronting Inner Demons
Despite her accomplishments, Carlile acknowledges personal flaws. She identifies self-righteousness and a “phobia of embarrassment” as traits she most deplores in herself. This self-awareness extends to her assessment of others, where she finds greed and a “lack of empathy” equally troubling – viewing them as fundamentally intertwined.
Past Scars and Future Apologies
Looking back, Carlile recalls a particularly painful moment early in her career: “Leaving the stage from a panic attack in my 20s. Hearing the audience angry.” This experience, she suggests, left a lasting impression. She also expresses a deep sense of remorse for past actions, stating a desire to apologize to “kids I bullied in school.” “I have apologized and I will continue to,” she affirms, adding that she now actively monitors her own children for any signs of developing a lack of empathy.
Defining Values and Aspirations
When asked to describe herself in three words, Carlile offers “Earnest, driven, Gemini.” If granted a superpower, she would choose persuasion, suggesting a belief in the power of communication and influence. Surprisingly, she expresses contentment with her appearance, quipping, “I actually like the way I look, which I think is against the law in the UK.”
A Yearning for Lost Ideals
In a world often characterized by misinformation, Carlile reveals a poignant desire: “If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose? Objective truth.” This sentiment speaks to a broader concern about the erosion of shared reality and the importance of factual accuracy. She admits to a less admirable habit – “I never let the truth get in the way of a good story and I bite my nails until they’re gone” – a playful acknowledgement of her own imperfections.
The Weight of Words and the Allure of Fame
The most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to Carlile was, “I love you but I hate your lifestyle.” This statement highlights the challenges of navigating personal identity and societal expectations. Despite the potential downsides, she chooses fame over anonymity, but with a caveat: “But I will reject levels of fame that I don’t believe are healthy.” Her guilty pleasures, ranging from Love Island to 90 Day Fiancé and Wife Swap, offer a glimpse into a more relaxed side of her personality.
Love, Loss, and a Legacy of Growth
Carlile describes love as “a lifelong sleepover,” a charmingly intimate portrayal of enduring connection. Reflecting on her past, she expresses regret over “my lack of commitment to feminism in my 20s,” acknowledging a missed opportunity for advocacy. If she could be anyone else, she would choose Elton John, praising him as a “fearless bitch with a huge heart” who “doesn’t get embarrassed, knows how to apologize.”
A recent emotional experience involved crying after discussing marriage equality with her daughters, when her eldest expressed fear that the overturning of Obergefell v. Hodges could mean losing both parents. This deeply personal moment underscored the fragility of hard-won rights and the importance of continued vigilance.
Ultimately, Carlile hopes to be remembered as “Human, evolving and faithful.” She believes the most important lesson life has taught her is that “Sacrifice the self and you will gain it. Serve the self and you will lose it.” And, revealing a surprising secret, she confesses, “I try really hard to be deep but all I can think about is fishing.”
