Just because many men don’t expose their insecurities doesn’t mean they don’t have them. In fact, not discussing these feelings only allows them to grow. And precisely because most men do not want to say anything about this, this makes it extra difficult for us to reassure them. But we are secretly also a little curious.
NB: we are talking about men in this article, but these insecurities can apply to anyone.
Five common insecurities of men between the sheets
1. The size of the penis
Size doesn’t matter, but if there’s one thing men can be insecure about, it’s about the size of their young man. But why do so many men want to go through life with richly filled underpants? According to sex therapist Daniel Sher a large penis symbolizes power, dominance, competence and success. Besides the fact that this of course makes no sense, the uncertainty about a smaller cell tower is often based on nothing. Most men have an average size hanging between the legs. Wills come in all shapes and sizes, and according to our colleagues at Men’s Health the average penis is 9.16 centimeters in flaccid state and 13.2 centimeters in its full glory. And every penis has its own charm. Got curious? Here are the best sex positions for every penis size.
2. Sexual dysfunctions
The lack of an erection or ejaculation too early during the act can make men quite insecure between the sheets. So much so that 25 percent of men have faked an orgasm. Oh dear! Sexologist Nynke Nijman says in her book ‘Shameless Sex’ that many men suffer from sexual problems for a longer or shorter period of time, but it can also occur incidentally. To what extent one can speak of a ‘problem’ is difficult to say, because many men – just like the size of a penis – have a wrong idea about what sexual dysfunctions entail. For example, the sexologist says that some men are disappointed that they come after twenty minutes, while an early orgasm happens within a minute and there is no control. And even if that happens, there’s no reason to be embarrassed.
3. Beer bellies and narrow shoulders
Yep, you read that right: men can also be insecure about their bodies. From various US studies shows that 40 percent of men are dissatisfied with their bodies. And this is not surprising when you consider that the Western ideal of beauty embodies a broad, well-trained man. As cool as some men may be about these “perfect” bodies, the reality is that they too can feel insecure about their bodies. So has a quarter of men rather have sex with the lights off.
4. Performance pressure between the sheets
From a research turns out that men like to climax their bed partners because it makes them feel “masculine.” But where does the urge for masculine come from? Sexologist Nynke Nijman writes in her book that traditionally there are qualities that are seen as ‘masculine’, such as being strong, radiating self-confidence, being muscular, being the breadwinner and the ‘fitter’. The idea that as a man you cannot meet the prevailing image of masculine can cause a lot of uncertainty and pressure to perform. ‘Masculinity in a broader sense, but especially within sexuality, is about letting go of unhelpful beliefs about sex and unrealistic expectations,’ says Nijman in her book. Amen!
5. Limited sexual experiences
The more bed partners a man has, the tougher he is. Or not? The idea is that men are sexual beings who think about sex every seven seconds, while someone’s sex drive independent of his gender. The idea that as a man you must have had many sexual partners only creates unnecessary uncertainty.
Do you have a male partner and are you curious what else is going on in his head? These are 13 super important questions that everyone in a relationship should ask their partner.
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