The Evolving American Thanksgiving: How ‘Chosen Families’ Are Redefining the Holiday
As traditional notions of “home” shift, a growing number of Americans are forging new Thanksgiving traditions centered on intentional community adn mutual support. A recent 2024 Pew Research Center survey reveals that while the majority of Americans still plan to gather with loved ones for Thanksgiving,approximately five percent will spend the holiday alone,and many more will forgo traditional gatherings altogether. This trend, coupled with increasing generational disconnection, highlights a quiet revolution in how Americans define family and celebrate the holidays.
For many, the holidays remain a deeply rooted season of return – a nostalgic journey back to childhood homes, long-held traditions, and the people who shaped their upbringing. These are core memories steeped in laughter and love. However, the realities of modern life – distance, grief, evolving identities, non-traditional family structures, and even political divides – mean that returning “home” isn’t always possible, or even desirable.
This disruption is prompting a re-evaluation of what the holidays mean, and for many, the answer lies in building new traditions with those who actively show up. The concept of “chosen family” – a network of supportive relationships that aren’t necessarily bound by blood – is gaining prominence, especially among those navigating complex family dynamics or geographic distance.
the shift is particularly poignant for Black communities, where the holidays can be a complex mix of joy and pressure. The National Alliance on Mental Illness cautions that African Americans may be 20 percent more vulnerable to the “holiday blues,” stemming from loss, isolation, or the weight of expectations. This underscores the need for supportive networks that extend beyond traditional family ties.
The idea of expanding family beyond biological connections isn’t new.For generations, communities have relied on neighbors, “aunties,” and “uncles” – individuals who offered guidance, support, and a sense of belonging. As one individual described it, these were the people who “kept spare keys and made sure you were behaving even when your parents weren’t home.” Today, these informal networks are becoming increasingly intentional, offering a vital lifeline for those seeking connection and belonging.
Estrangement is becoming less taboo, and personal safety and identity increasingly shape where people feel most comfortable. The holiday table, once a symbol of familial obligation, is now reflecting a more diverse and fluid understanding of what family looks like. While these shifts can be born from pain – from families that don’t accept you, those you’ve lost, or those you’ve outgrown – the result can be profoundly beautiful.
Finding Home in Philadelphia
Adrienne Brandyburg, a 37-year-old marketing consultant, and her husband, Jaron, experienced the pitfalls of traditional Thanksgiving travel firsthand. one year, a chaotic road trip with family left them exhausted and depleted. “We spent the whole day in the car, dealing with traffic and family drama, and didn’t even had a chance to eat. “When we got back to the car, we were hangry, tired, and irritated,” Jaron said.
That experience led them to establish a new tradition: hosting their own thanksgiving meal first, then visiting family the following day. As they moved from Chicago to New York and finally to Los Angeles, this tradition evolved into a celebration of gratitude, service, and intentional community. they opened their home to others, particularly transplants navigating the holidays away from family. “You gotta go to the right places,” luc said, quoting the movie Coming to America.
Their home has become a haven for colleagues,single parents,and friends going through challenging times. “Community can start from the smallest things,” Luc explained. “And food is intimate. Eating is intimate.” Jaron added, referencing the biblical tradition of shared meals, “Jesus was always eating with people.”
Now, hosting is their annual rhythm, though a pleasant debate persists: jaron believes he shouldn’t have to wait until thanksgiving Day to sample the desserts prepared the night before, a disagreement Luc firmly opposes. Regardless, their home remains a welcoming space for children, friends, and anyone in need of a place to land, where there will always be enough to go around.
