Why do some people have the best personal lives, while others try unsuccessfully to start a relationship over and over again?
Some say it’s just bad luck. Others are convinced that there’s some kind of curse on them. Still others are sure that they don’t need a relationship at all, and it’s better to remain single than to unsuccessfully try to sort out their personal life over and over again.
In fact, the reasons for failure in dating are often much deeper than many people might think:
- Unwillingness to make compromises in a relationship
- Different expectations from dating and communication, and different goals
- Attempting to play “out of your league”
- Excessively high requirements for a partner
- Childhood traumas and poor life principles from early childhood
Among other things, the coronavirus pandemic, quarantine, and the impending economic crisis in many countries of the world, and other external factors, played a role.
As a result, many modern people simply do not settle on a new relationship.They feel any previous failure in their personal lives too painfully, and are in no hurry to make another attempt.
How can you break this vicious circle of failures in your personal life?
We’d love to offer universal and 100% effective advice, but unfortunately it simply does not exist. But there are some useful recommendations that can really help. And those are exactly what we want to share.
- Tip 1: Stop thinking you’re the victim
Much has been written and said about the victim complex. And even despite an abundance of information about this, many people still choose the path of the “sufferer” to whom everyone owes something.
Stop blaming the whole world for your problems. It’s hard to admit, but the main reason for our failures is ourselves. Accepting this is the first step towards a happy life without the feeling that everyone around wants to harm you, and is responsible for your failures on the love front.
- Tip 2: Stop “helping others”
There are many cases(and you may have personally encountered them) when a person starts a relationship with someone who evokes feelings not of love, but pity. For example, girls approach men suffering from prolonged depression, help them recover, and then suddenly realize there’s nothing at all between them. Not even the slightest hint of emotion. The reason for the pity goes away, and with it the need to help. Relationships (if you can call them that) quickly break up.
Therefore, the next time you get close to a person, answer yourself one question: “Do I really love them, or is this a completely different feeling that has nothing to do with love?
- Tip 3: Forget about perfect love
In deep antiquity, the ancient philosopher Plato promoted the idea that somewhere in the world, for each of us there is another half who will complement us and give us everything that we lack.
Later, romance novels and cinematography appeared, in which were shown absolutely perfect relationships that an ordinary person can only dream of.
Psychotherapist and sexologist Alain Eril believes that “the myth of perfect love has become part of our culture”. According to this expert, attempts to perceive a couple as a whole is a completely wrong approach. And if we fail to distinguish between ourselves and another person, love becomes more and more destructive over time. You begin to sacrifice your own goals and principles for the sake of the other person, and this eventually weakens the relationship until the situation becomes critical.
- Tip 4: Escape from your usual social circle
A person is usually quite comfortable in their “cocoon”, consisting of a small proven circle: close friends, colleagues and relatives.
The problem is, until you get out of that circle, there’s really no question of any truly new romantic relationships. Sometimes you need to give yourself a good shake-up to understand where to go next and how to build a personal life.
In this regard, it is easier for us than for past generations. After all, we have the Internet and dozens of different communication formats. Choose the ones you like and meet new people! Almost 8 billion people live on this planet — among them will definitely be the one!
- Tip 5: Change your format of dating and communication
Do not get hung up on any one dating format. For example, don’t try to only meet on social media or dating apps. Try alternative formats. For example, video chat with strangers — a site or app that connects you with a random person via webcam.
There are many examples of worthy video chat apps:
- Chatrandom — a classic random chat, but with an interesting feature of themed chat rooms where you can chat with a group of like-minded people on a topic of interest to you. Just choose a room and join the conversation — convenient and simple!
- CooMeet — the perfect video chat with strangers if you are a man and want to meet girls. CooMeet uses a unique gender filter, and each girl must verify her identity during registration. As a result, no fakes, bots and advertising broadcasts can be found. Only real communication in a convenient format.
- Tinychat — an online video broadcasting service where you can simply be a spectator and watch other people’s streams, or you can start your own broadcast and gather a large audience. Why not combine pleasant interactions with the opportunity to become a famous streamer?
Try chatting using online video chat if you haven’t used this format before. It is convenient, fast, safe and helps to significantly expand the circle of communication.
- Tip 6: Set realistic goals for yourself
This is a critically important tip! The fact is that when trying to start a relationship, we often make mistakes in setting our own goals and priorities. Many say (and believe it themselves) that they want to start a strong family and live in harmony until the very last day of their lives. Yet in fact, it turns out that they needed only a short-term love affair and nothing more. But it often happens the other way around: a person just wants to flirt, but in fact they find the love of their life.
That is why it is so important to initially establish your own goals, not act according to the situation. Collect your thoughts and answer the main question: “What do I really want and am I ready for a serious relationship?”. Believe us, a clear and truthful answer can greatly simplify your life and help build a stronger romantic connection.
- Tip 7: Take action!
The most ineffective strategy for finding a soulmate is waiting. Millions of people in the world are just waiting in hope of one day meeting the stranger with whom they will forever tie their fate.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Happy romantic relationships are not just a matter of chance. They are the result of working on oneself, on one’s life values and priorities, on the ability to act where others prefer to remain only passive observers.
Don’t wait for your happiness. Make it happen!
Is it time to rethink your approach to dating?
Everyone has had failures on the personal front — this thought is very important to keep in mind if you find yourself in such a situation. And usually there is nothing wrong with that. The following circumstances can become a reason to think seriously, change life priorities or even see a specialist:
- An identical negative situation in love is repeated two or more times. Moreover, you notice the similarity only at the moment when you walk into another fatal failure.
- In a relationship, you are guided by thoughts such as “I will make them love me”, “my love will save them”, or “my love is stronger than all obstacles”.
- Each new attempt to start a relationship ends in an even more painful trauma than the previous ones.
If any of this list (or all of the items at once) accurately describes your situation, there’s reason to seriously rethink your approach to dating and relationships. And if you can’t cope on your own, don’t hesitate to contact a psychologist — they can help you get out of even the most difficult situation.