A mother writing to advice columnist Carolyn Hax is worried about her 30-plus-year-old son’s health, specifically his terrible eating habits and lack of exercise and how they might lead to heart problems. She feels guilty for not enforcing better discipline during his childhood and not thinking ahead.
She’s now feeling that she needs to find the right words to talk to her son about his habits. She has been reluctant to comment openly about his lifestyle because it might come off as invasive or critical, especially since she knows her son is capable. She is struck by the sadness and anxiety that comes with her son not taking better care of himself, and desperately wants to figure out how to get him to make a change.
In response to the mother’s concern, Hax emphasized that just because the mother got serious about her own exercise and nutrition in the past two years, her son doesn’t need to make the change right now, but rather when he’s ready. Hax advises the mother to trust her son to live a rewarding life on his terms and enjoy every minute with him, rather than fretting over the time they have left together.
Hax also suggests that the mother join support groups such as Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics if she needs help in enjoying the company of her loved ones again, without constantly feeling the need to enforce changes in their lifestyle. In addition, Hax touches on the issue of commenting on someone’s weight or diet, emphasizing that it often causes more damage than good and is a sore point for many individuals.
This story highlights the struggle faced by parents when trying to influence and guide the behavior of their adult children without seeming overbearing. It also sheds light on the pressure individuals often feel about their diet, weight, and exercise, as comments and opinion from loved ones can have a significant impact. This article also provides advice on how to pursue support and manage anxiety over loved ones’ lifestyle choices.