The Rise of “Performative male” and “Mankeeping”: A New Landscape of Masculinity
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A growing trend sees men adopting outward displays of sensitivity and emotional awareness – sometimes authentically, sometimes as a calculated performance – while others increasingly rely on their partners too manage their emotional lives, a dynamic dubbed “mankeeping.” These phenomena, emerging from the digital world and manifesting in real life, are sparking debate about the evolving roles of men in relationships and society.
The “Performative Male” Aesthetic
A new male aesthetic is taking shape,ironically labeled “performative male.” The image is instantly recognizable: a matcha latte in hand, an analogue camera slung around the neck, a canvas tote bag from the market, Birkenstock Bostons, Japanese selvedge jeans, and a book – preferably by an independent author like Sally Rooney – prominently displayed. This archetype embodies the sensitive, cultured, environmentalist, and feminist boy, representing the latest iteration of masculinity seeking to distance itself from traditional, and often toxic, norms.
The trend has even spawned gatherings, described as “performative male competitions,” from cities like Seattle to jakarta. These events bring together young men sporting thin mustaches,earrings,rare vinyl records,and progressive viewpoints,all ready to be documented and shared. While often seen as a caricature, one expert notes that “behind the irony there is an entire imagination that is redefining how boys want to be seen.”
However, it carries the risk of being “superficial” or “inauthentic,” even used strategically to attract partners without genuine internal change.
The Imbalance of Emotional Labor
“mankeeping,” Salerno argues, places an undue burden on female partners. She coordinates family life, childcare, relationships, and daily routines, while he remains focused on the “external sphere.” This imbalance can lead to “conflicts and frustration,” as the woman carries the weight of the emotional landscape.
This dynamic, Salerno adds, reflects deeply ingrained cultural divisions: “the woman takes care of people, the man takes care of things.” Even as couples experiment with more egalitarian roles, these traditional patterns persist, potentially limiting the man’s emotional advancement and creating a closed loop within the relationship.
social media platforms have amplified these dynamics, providing both a space for discussion and a breeding ground for superficiality. While they can “stimulate reflection,” Salerno warns that they also “risk trivializing complex phenomena” by prioritizing content creation over depth.
The constant exposure to curated performances can encourage imitation. “If a young person sees a boy on TikTok showing sensitivity, he can replicate his gestures without having gone through an internal change,” Salerno observes, raising the concern that sensitivity may become a mere “habit” rather than a genuine transformation.
A Reorganization of Male Roles
Despite the potential pitfalls, Salerno acknowledges signs of positive change. She notes that men are increasingly present in their children’s lives and in relationships, while women are becoming more pragmatic and organizational. However, true progress requires “awareness.” It’s not measured by social media metrics, but by the ability to “integrate emotion, affectivity and practicality into daily life.”
The key, Salerno believes, lies in emotional education from childhood, encompassing not just sentimental learning but also mental health. “Learning to manage emotions and gender differences as children prevents imbalances and toxic behaviors in adulthood.” Schools, psychologists, teachers, and families all have a crucial role to play in offering balanced models and avoiding the reduction of emotions to mere “social performances.”
Ultimately, “performative maleness and mankeeping” are not simply viral trends, but rather a “mirror of an ongoing cultural change,” an invitation to reflect on contemporary masculinity, couple relationships, and the need for balance and authenticity between partners.
