Playing It Safe: Why You’ll Regret It

The Deathbed Regrets That Should Change How You Live Today

A hospice doctor’s viewpoint reveals a startling truth: the biggest obstacles to a fulfilling life aren’t lack of resources,but a lack of courage to pursue what truly matters.

As a hospice physician, I have the distinct privilege – and frequently enough, the heartbreaking duty – of sitting with patients in their final days. Over years of practice, a common thread emerges in our conversations: a profound sense of regret. Again and again, patients express a strikingly similar sentiment: “I really regret that I never had the energy, money, or time to…”

The specifics vary – a novel left unwritten, a distant land unexplored, a long-abandoned athletic pursuit. But the underlying theme remains constant: a missed opportunity to engage in what I call “little p purpose”-the process-oriented fulfillment derived from activities that ignite our inner spark.

The tragedy of these deathbed epiphanies is the irreversible loss of agency.Time, strength, and opportunity have slipped away, leaving only the weight of what might have been. my work, and the writing I do, centers on urging those still living to heed this wisdom before it’s too late – to view the end of life as an instruction manual for living fully now.

We must approach each day as if it were our last. Yet, the reasons people cite for neglecting their purpose are remarkably consistent.

Reflect: What’s one “little p purpose” activity you’ve always wanted to try? Write it down!

The Illusion of Insufficient Energy

This objection is particularly prevalent among young professionals and parents, overwhelmed by the demands of career and family. The very idea of dedicating additional energy to personal pursuits feels overwhelming.

However, research suggests a counterintuitive reality. Studies on motivation and physical activity demonstrate that a stronger sense of purpose actually increases energy levels. Individuals with purpose experience fewer obstacles to action and a greater intrinsic drive to engage with life.In essence, energy isn’t a fixed quantity; it can expand when channeled into meaningful activities.

“purpose” doesn’t necessitate grand gestures like launching a nonprofit or building a business empire. little p purpose is accessible and intimate. It could be losing yourself in a captivating book, enjoying a peaceful walk by the water, or revisiting a childhood hobby. The magnitude of the act is irrelevant; it’s the spark it ignites that truly matters.

Action Tip: Schedule just 15 minutes this week for an activity that energizes you.

Beyond the Bottom Line: The Myth of Money

While financial resources are undoubtedly valuable, they are not the sole determinant of a purposeful life. We often overlook the wealth of resources already available to us.Consider a working mother juggling young children and a demanding career. While she may feel constrained by limited funds and energy, perhaps a supportive sister lives nearby. Could she leverage that relationship to carve out time for a book club? could she tap into community resources she hasn’t yet considered?

Taking stock of our existing assets – our passions, relationships, skills, experiences, and knowledge – often reveals a surprising abundance. Enough, at least, to take the first step.

Resource Check: List three free or low-cost resources in your community that could support your “little p purpose.”

The time Paradox

The feeling of being perpetually time-strapped is ubiquitous in modern life. We are bombarded with commitments – work, family, digital distractions – leaving little room for personal fulfillment. This is a common refrain I hear from patients.

Yet, data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics challenges this perception. The annual American Time Use Survey reveals that Americans dedicate an average of five hours each day to leisure and sports activities, nonetheless of socioeconomic status. The reality is that most people possess more discretionary time then they realize.

If time isn’t the true barrier, what is?

Time audit: track your time for one day. Where are you spending the most time? Can you reclaim 30 minutes?

The Courage to Choose Purpose

Through years of working with the dying, I’ve discovered an unexpected truth: the primary impediment to purpose isn’t a lack of energy, money, or time.It’s courage.

This isn’t the courage of a soldier or an athlete, but a different kind of bravery altogether. I’ve spoken with individuals who embody physical courage and intellectual brilliance, yet still lacked the courage to prioritize what truly mattered to them. They possessed the knowledge, the skills, and often, the resources, but not the fortitude to act.

It’s easier to pursue conventional goals – wealth accumulation, career advancement, raising a family – as they offer clear milestones and societal validation. Turning toward activities that genuinely ignite our passion is far more daunting.

The internal dialogue is often paralyzing:

What if I’m not good enough?
What if I fail?
What if it doesn’t turn out as I hoped?
What if others ridicule me?

The list of reasons to avoid pursuing our purpose is extensive. But one reason eclipses all others: the potential for regret on our deathbed.

Ultimately, the most profound barrier isn’t external; it’s the internal struggle to embrace vulnerability and pursue a life aligned with our deepest values.

Challenge Your Fears: Identify one fear holding you back. What’s the worst that could happen? How can you mitigate that risk?

The Power of “Little p Purpose” in Practise

Having explored the common obstacles to living a life of intention, it’s time to delve deeper into how we can cultivate the courage to embrace our “little p purpose.” Practical strategies can empower you to overcome those internal dialogues that hold you back, allowing you to experience greater fulfillment today. Remember, the goal isn’t to overhaul your entire life overnight, but to make small, consistent steps toward a more meaningful existence. Here, we’ll explore practical tips adn considerations, gleaned from observing countless patients grappling with the very issues you face.

Tip: This section explores practical strategies for injecting more purpose into your life.

Re-Framing Failure: the Chance Mindset

One of the most pervasive fears is the fear of failure. The thought of putting yourself out there, risking your time and energy, only to fall short can be paralyzing.As mentioned, these anxieties are often rooted in the belief that failure is a reflection of your inherent worth, rather than an opportunity to learn and grow. Instead of viewing failure as a permanent stain, reframe it as an essential step on the path to mastery.

Consider the example of a patient who always wanted to learn to paint. Fear of criticism stopped her until her 70s. After finally picking up a brush, she realized she wasn’t going to be a Van Gogh, but the joy of creating was the true reward. Embrace the process and understand that every attempt, successful or not, provides valuable lessons.

• Define failure more broadly: Rather of “not succeeding,” define success as completing a task, experimenting with something new, or simply learning a new skill.
• Focus on incremental goals: Break down your “little p purpose” into smaller, more manageable steps. Celebrate each milestone.
• Adopt a growth mindset: Understand that your abilities evolve with effort and persistence.

The Value of Vulnerability

Opening yourself up to vulnerability