The only thing that stays with you after you leave l’epoque, the Tel Aviv branch of the Robichon Group that opened in the renovated Alkonin Hotel, is the feeling of insult. That moment you realize you’ve been worked on. You came out a sucker. Because no matter how you turn it around, no matter what you tell yourself, the bottom line is so bright and loud that you can’t help but open with it – l’epoque is not really a restaurant.
Seemingly, it has all the characteristics of a restaurant. There is a restaurant design, and a restaurant staff, and a restaurant menu, and food, just as it should be in a restaurant. But in practice l’epoque is something completely different, which feels like a deadly combination between professional haggling and consumer fraud. And that’s not even the worst part of the event. Because it’s one thing to spend an evening and then wake up in the morning and realize you’ve been screwed. Here it takes exactly 10 minutes to understand where you fell. There isn’t even an iota of sophistication or an attempt to hide what we usually call “deception robbery”.
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There are manners here. There are waiters here. There is plagiarism here. L’Epoque (photo: Anatoly Michaelou)
Manners are there. Waiters who approach quickly and fill your glass of water the second it fills, there are. Or insist on making rounds around you to serve all the diners the dishes from the same side (but not at the same time, don’t exaggerate), there are also. Excellent bread basket with soft butter, yes and yes. But if there’s one thing they all have in common, it’s that they feel more like an unsuccessful cover version of the real thing. And nothing symbolizes this more than the infamy of the poached egg.
“Poached and crispy egg with caviar”. This is what is written on the menu in the “Robeshon’s Classic Dishes” section. But of course this is not the most important thing that is written on the menu. In fact, it seems that the entire existence of this egg here is the amount written next to it. 320 NIS. No, that’s not a mistake. 320 NIS. for a poached egg. True, there is a pile of caviar on it, so the price is not as extreme as it seems at the first moment, but it does not matter at all. Because even if from an economic point of view there is justification for the event, from a culinary point of view it was a disgrace.
Khaltura – this is another optimistic scenario. L’Epoque (Photo: Sharon Ben-David)
She was indeed unknown and indeed had caviar on her. But this is more or less the end of the connection to reality. Because she was not crispy. It was fried in an unsuccessful tempura, and probably sat a lot waiting, otherwise there is no way to explain the unpleasant texture of the dough, and even more the obviously illogical temperature of the egg. I mean, there is a way to explain – low temperature frying, too early preparation – but who cares? It was so bad, that the only reason to take another bite after the initial disappointment, was just to understand if this is really the thing you were just charged 320 NIS for, or if it is a prank, and Shigel Shilon is going to come out from behind the curtain in a second. This is not a prank. At least not the kind broadcast on TV.
Nothing to write home about. L’Epoque (photo: Anatoly Michaelou)
The rest of the things we ate weren’t as bad as the egg, but none of them were successful enough to overcome the feeling of “but David, they worked on me, David”. For example, there was a kind of “pleasure fun” (the most archaic Hebrew translation ever) at the expense of the house, a bite of foie gras parfait, parmesan whipped cream, fish roe and reduced port, which was pleasant at best, and in all cases completely unmemorable. But at least it didn’t cost us money. What can’t be said about the second first course we took, “hot shrimp on spinach leaves, dip salad with fresh herb leaves”.
I have no agricultural background, but it seems to me that these were not spinach leaves at all, but lettuce. But even if we forgive the inaccuracy, one cannot ignore the vagueness. For NIS 75 “only” you get three lettuce leaves here, each of which has one shrimp (done well, and indeed hot, so at least we made progress) but with a tabbouleh so not unique, that in every random skewer in a gas station in the Galilee you can find interesting ones. This Not a bad portion, but the gap between it and the pose and the price is so great that it’s hard not to fall for it.
Is it really the famous puree? L’Epoque (photo: Anatoly Michaelou)
The main dishes continued the trend in full force. The ginger-toasted walnut cookie Saint-Jacques dish, with puddles of coriander and green curry sauce, was another example of nothing and nothing. The oysters were well done, all four that were served, but there was nothing in them that justified the price of 150 NIS, or anything to write home about. Which sucks, especially for me, because that’s literally my job. The second main, a piece of butcher with shallots, was Another dish of the same genre. The meat was good and well done, but someone decided it wasn’t enough (and rightly so, because the huge plate looked completely empty with the tiny steak on it) and decided to put a pile of fried onions on top of the steak. Why? It’s not clear. Which is clearly not Only it didn’t contribute to the dish, it even spoiled it.
Along with the main courses, a ratatouille was also served, which looked stunning but tasted like… boiled vegetables. You must be wondering what the problem is, because what is ratatouille if not cooked vegetables, but that’s exactly the point. You can call it whatever name you want, arrange it stunningly on a plate and serve it on a plate with a cloche on top. But from a restaurant that bears (completely in vain) the name of one of the greatest chefs of the 20th century, you would expect there to be added value. There was no.
Can you really call it a sensation? L’Epoque (photo: Anatoly Michaelou)
And there was also the famous puree. Now to be clear – mashed potato is a particularly bad use of a potato. There are about 2343 more successful ways to cook a potato, and yet over the years we have heard countless times about Robichon’s famous mashed potato, which is considered a work of culinary art. Unfortunately, the dish we received was about as close to art as a third year student’s serving at Bezalel. It was likable, sure for mashed potatoes, but it also suffered from an unpleasantly sticky and mushy texture. It’s hard to believe that so many superlatives have been written about this thing. Apparently not so many superlatives have been written about this thing.
>> We give the restaurant five stars only once a year. This is this time
>> Just like that, we lied, we gave five stars even a month before. But it was in Paris, so it doesn’t count
The desserts were the only moment of the meal where we didn’t feel really cheated. We ate lovely puffs filled with hazelnut cream and with coffee sorbet, which felt more like melted ice cream than sorbet, but was quite successful considering the circumstances. The second dessert was called “Chocolate Sensation”, meaning layers of chocolate in different textures, which was also fun, but the only sensation in it was that it was richer than the restaurant’s target audience. On the other hand, thanks to the wealth, he blew us away, and was probably the reason why we didn’t have to eat anything on the way home in order not to go to bed hungry.
The bottom line is more than clear: l’epoque is a tourist trap. A restaurant that tries to use a recognized international name and disproportionate prices to try and attract customers. which makes the sounds of a luxury restaurant, but provides poor value for money. Judging by the amount of empty tables at 8pm midweek, it just doesn’t work. and better this way.
one star And he is not a Michelin star. L’epoque, Lillenblum 9
Poached egg 320
Shrimp on a spinach leaf 75
Cookie Sun Jacques 150
Share butchers 140
Stuffed puffs 70
80’s chocolate sensation