You can now read here the new installment of the psychology office with which 20minutos aims to help resolve doubts and difficulties that readers may have (with friends, partner, family, at work…).
To raise your problem write an email to [email protected]. Here are the answers he has given to this week’s questions our expert, Mª Jesús Álava Reyes.
Aggressiveness
ASK I have been with my husband for more than 4 years. In my childhood and adolescence I suffered a lot of psychological and physical abuse from my parents and even from my brother; as a result of that, sometimes so many feelings get mixed up every time I argue with my partner that it gives me anxiety and I start to hit myself.
When my husband saw me it hurt a lot and he told me crying that if he continued like this he was going to leave, that he didn’t want him to hurt me anymore, but in the last year things have changed, now his impotence is aggressiveness in the sense that when he hits me, chokes me or squeezes me hard and tells me with anger and tears in his eyes “give yourself a harder time” or something like that.
And then he walks away and tells me “I’m not like that” (I know he’s not like that). We have a baby who is almost two years old and we try to make him see us with those attitudes. Andrea
RESPONSE OF THE EXPERT What you comment is very, very serious. Please don’t kid yourself, that’s not it. amor and the situation you are living must end immediately. I don’t know where you live, but go immediately to the Social Services of your Community or city and put your case in their hands.
There are also many Associations of Battered Women and Delegations against Gender Violence. Be very clear that what you are experiencing is a very dangerous, in which you need professional help. Your child deserves to have a hopeful future!
My nephew doesn’t accept me
ASK I write because I feel awful, my family doesn’t accept me as I am, including my 6-year-old nephew. I am very affectionate with him, but when I go to my sister’s house and he is there he doesn’t even say hello and it hurts me, but the reaction of the elders annoys me even more, they laugh at all the thanks, especially when the child makes fun of him. me (I’m chubby, but not much) and they don’t tell him anything.
Me neither, to play it down, but one is not made of stone. I’m rather shy, it’s hard for me to confront myself and my sister criticizes that, saying that she gets along better with the people she confronts, that she doesn’t like the submissive and complacent, and I take it for granted. patricia
RESPONSE OF THE EXPERT From what you say, you are a person who is very dependent on opinion and valuation of others; that implies a lot of insecurity and emotional fragility. The problem is not your nephew or the comments of your relatives or other people, the difficulty is your lack of confidence in yourself.
It is urgent that you work on your self-esteem and assertiveness (your ability to express your feelings and opinions with conviction, without aggressiveness, but defending your criteria clearly) You could use a training in Communication and Assertiveness. Town halls and social services frequently organize this type of workshop.
In any case, in books like ‘Emotions that hurt’ and ‘The best thing in your life is you’, I detail how to work our trust and self-esteem and how to improve our communication and relationship with others. Do not resign yourself to continue suffering uselessly.
alone in life
ASK I am 37 years old and I don’t know if I have been depressed or prone to depression for 20 years. The sadness drowns me. At home I feel bad. I take care of my parents and I am alone in life. My father is still worth it, but my mother very little.
I practically have no life of my own, for fear that something will happen to them and I won’t be there. And whenever spring approaches, the depression deepens, it’s a season that I hate, everyone is happy about it but, on the contrary, it saddens me. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. Thanks for your help. Irene.
RESPONSE OF THE EXPERT You are experiencing a difficult situation, very stressful and exhausting. When he says that he has no life of his own, that reality is suffocating and, from a psychological point of view, very unhealthy.
You are afraid that something will happen to your parents and your concern is logical, but it is also important to think about how you are, how you are going wearing out and exhausting each day. In the psychologist Vicente Prieto’s book: “The loneliness of the caregiver”, he details how to act in situations like the one you are experiencing.
When spring arrives (and normally before it arrives), there are a number of very sensitive and emotionally fragile people who feel the change in seasons and their processes of sadness and sadness worsen. soledad. But when that happens, what it tells us is that you urgently need professional help; probably at the level of medication and, of course, also psychological treatment.
Try to discuss your case with your primary care doctor, so that he can refer you to Mental Health Services. In any case, if you have difficulty accessing these services, remember that there are foundations that make it easier for you. aid psychology, such as Psychologists Without Borders or our foundation. Do not stop taking care of yourself, it is the only way to lift your mood and to be able to feel good about yourself and with the crucial work you are doing.