2024-03-01 10:13:57
Their main purpose is to relieve tension, it is very important when and to whom you say them
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You are a saint if you never conflict. The mere mortals have to argue about something at least once a day, either with colleagues, or with partners.
Sometimes the exchange of opinions passes with constructive and politely expressed contradictions. Other times passions get so heated that the right word for the conversation becomes scandal.
Argument is a normal part of the job, scandal is not. Either way, you have to get out of it as best you can. Because even when controversy is helpful in clarifying the options and making the best decision, it leaves the disputants with an unpleasant feeling for a while afterward. And the scandal is remembered for a long time and can permanently worsen relations, especially if the participants have crossed the border of upbringing.
Psychologists claim that there are at least 10 phrases that act as a pacifier in any conflict. However, you have to hit the timing for them.
The second condition for success is to consider according to your interlocutors what is appropriate to say. “You are very beautiful when you are angry” can put out the fire in the beloved. But the lady from the company you’re negotiating with will not consider it sexual harassment. For her, you need to come up with another compliment that will stimulate her brain to release the hormone of happiness – for example, “You are very eloquent when you are angry.”
“Let’s stop fighting” is an appropriate call among equal colleagues or partners. If your boss is involved, you’re likely to hear “We don’t fight, but I’m fighting you.” In his presence, choose for example “Let’s see things from another point of view”.
The main purpose of each of the 10 phrases is to relieve tension.
1. “Let’s rest and think” It’s a simple call, but it works. Most people don’t like arguments, so they’ll gratefully pause. It is quite possible that after the interruption, the conversation will not only begin, but will continue to the end in a calm tone, no matter how serious the contradictions.
However, in no case do not offer a break if your interlocutor has not finished speaking. He will consider it disrespectful and instead of calming down, you will inflame passions.
2. “We’ve been through worse. We’ll get through this, just take it easy.” it affects not so much with the direct appeal and with its Bordian sense, but with the reminder that you are a community, you have a successful past together, it is not the first time that you fall into contradictions. Conflict won’t ruin your relationships if you treat each other with respect while arguing. You point out what a great team you are, and if that’s true, everyone takes notice and puts out the fire.
3. “Let’s see things from another point of view” is a good phrase when everyone in the conflict gets stuck on their own arguments. Sometimes people forget that the best way out of a conflict is for each person to try to put themselves in the other person’s shoes to understand. You are hinting at this possibility. And you might actually offer a new perspective to reach a mutually beneficial solution.
4. “Let’s solve the problem together” it has a magical effect because you show a willingness to cooperate. Even though you’re arguing, you’re signaling to the other party that you’re willing to listen and possibly accept their point of view.
The phrase suggests that you want the conflict to end in a win/win rather than imposing. Therefore, everyone should let off some steam in the temperamental conversation.
5. “What can I do to change the situation” also expresses your tendency to compromise. However, it is a bit slippery because your opponent will think you are weakening your positions.
Don’t worry about it, the benefits outweigh the harm. First, you will quell the conflict for the time being, which is the main goal. Second, it’s always good to know what the other person expects from you. This will allow you to be more constructive in seeking a solution or more persuasive in defending your own position.
6. “I support you on that” is a neat trick. In a heated argument, your opponent suddenly finds understanding. Well, if it works in one way, it’s likely to work in another.
Thus, at the same time, you give satisfaction to your interlocutor and hope that things will end in mutual agreement. The logical outcome is that the conflict settles down, at least for a while. The sooner you get the impression that you’re all on the same page, the easier it will be to avoid a heated confrontation.
7. “You’re Right” works in the same direction. By trying to agree with your opponents on at least one thing, they feel momentarily victorious, you ease the tension and everyone becomes much more willing to have a constructive dialogue. It’s clever and not that hard to implement. You will always find at least one thing the other side is right about.
Some of the phrases recommended by psychologists are a little manipulative, because they affect the inflamed opponent on a subconscious level. They work most effectively if the conflict is between two people or in a small group.
8. “I Got You” you can use in different variants. By repeating this word often, the disputant accepts that it is really so, gradually calms down and the conversation becomes reasonable.
Although your interlocutor is “riding the broom” and flooding you with emotions instead of arguments, you can tell him “I understand why you are fired up” or “I understand why you are upset”. This will make it appear that you are taking his side. This will not resolve the conflict, but it may remind him that his behavior is not very professional.
However, don’t say “I’m trying to understand you” – it carries a tone of negation and some contempt.
9. “Explain to me what you mean” is a better wording. It works because you demonstrate an interest in the interlocutor’s opinion and a willingness to delve into his arguments. As he lays them out to you, he will calm down and may even reconsider some of them.
Also, when people fight, it becomes difficult for them to think straight. You may also find out that, in the end, the position of the other side is not as unacceptable as you thought at first.
10. “Don’t hold that tone at me” is a final phrase. Be careful not to reach it, even though it directly states to your opponent that he has crossed the boundaries of professional behavior and upbringing. You can say it when you aim to end the conflict at any cost, so as not to break the relationship forever.
Shut up after her, don’t get emotional with inappropriate talk in an unacceptable tone. If your interlocutor does not calm down, say “Let’s stop” and leave. Well, it’s a setback, but with some opponents, no phrases help.
What to do with your hands
It may seem strange to you, but hands can ignite conflict just like words. There are gestures that you must carefully avoid so as not to add fuel to the fire.
Never point the finger. It doesn’t matter which finger. The indicative is accusative. The middle finger is downright snobbish and hostile. The thumb betrays some disdain. It’s tasteless with the puppy.
When you want to point something out to your interlocutors, use your whole hand.
As soon as you speak straight, do not make gestures below the waist, they bring up associations of something indecent. If they are at the higher levels of the body, for example at the level of the heart, they have a positive effect on the audience.
Do not hold your hands in front of your stomach. As if you are guarding yourself from something or someone, you do not inspire confidence, you are perceived as unreliable.
Do not hold both hands behind your back. When you listen to your opponent, it looks like a bossy pose, it gives off arrogance.
When you’re making your case, posture gets in the way – there’s evidence that arm movement helps with eloquence. Prof. William McNeil conducted an experiment in which lecturers’ hands were tied behind their backs. As a result, they needed more time to find the right words.
Avoid touching your face and hair. Scratching, pushing your hair, picking your nose, tugging your ears will make your opponent think that you are not listening with interest, that you are bored, that you are not showing respect. This will annoy him.
In “The Right Man” you can read more:
3 energy vampires in the character that hinder success
3 words effectively parry criticism
A bad boss is a health hazard. In the most literal sense
How to Get Self-Enthusiastic About Work When You’re Stupid
7 simple rules for success and 5 tricks to make them happen
10 surefire ways to time success
Wow, you are smarter than the boss
7 steps to hit the goal of career success
When you need a colleague you hate as an ally