The search for connection is a fundamental human necessitate, yet forging new friendships as adults can feel surprisingly difficult. Recognizing this, a growing number of events are popping up designed to help people intentionally build platonic relationships – speed ‘friending’ being one of the most popular formats. These aren’t dating events; the goal is purely to expand one’s social circle and combat what some experts are calling a “friendship recession.”
At a recent event held at a cafe in the Columbia Heights neighborhood of Washington, D.C., participants engaged in a series of brief, structured conversations, similar to speed dating, but with the explicit aim of finding compatible friends. The events, gaining traction across the country, offer a low-pressure environment for individuals seeking companionship and a sense of community. The concept taps into a broader cultural conversation about loneliness and the importance of social connection, particularly in an increasingly digital world.
The term “friendship recession” was popularized by researchers at Arizona State University, who have been studying changing social patterns. According to a 2021 study published in the American Journal of Sociology, Americans are making fewer close friends than in previous generations. The study found that the percentage of Americans reporting having at least one close friend decreased from 55% in 1990 to 27% in 2010. While more recent data is still being analyzed, researchers suggest the trend has continued, exacerbated by factors like increased geographic mobility, longer working hours, and the rise of social media, which can sometimes offer a superficial sense of connection.
Addressing a Growing Need for Connection
Marisa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert, and author of “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends,” emphasizes the importance of intentionality in building friendships. “Friendships don’t just happen,” Franco told NPR. “You have to put in the effort to initiate and maintain them.” Speed friending events provide a structured way to overcome the initial hurdles of meeting new people and initiating conversations. The format encourages participants to quickly assess compatibility and move on if there isn’t a spark, streamlining the process of finding potential friends.
The events aren’t limited to any specific demographic. Participants range in age, background, and interests. Organizers often tailor events to specific groups, such as parents, young professionals, or people with shared hobbies, to increase the likelihood of finding common ground. The D.C. Event, for example, attracted a diverse group of individuals all seeking to expand their social networks.
One attendee, 32-year-old Sarah Miller, moved to Washington, D.C., a year ago and found it challenging to make friends outside of operate. “It’s hard to just walk up to people and say, ‘Let’s be friends,’” she explained. “This event felt like a safe and fun way to meet people who are also actively looking for connection.” Miller said she exchanged contact information with several people at the event and plans to follow up with them for coffee or other activities.
Beyond Speed Friending: Other Approaches to Building Platonic Relationships
While speed friending is gaining popularity, it’s not the only approach to addressing the friendship gap. Numerous apps and online platforms are emerging that connect people based on shared interests and values. Bumble, known for its dating app, also has a “BFF” mode specifically designed for finding friends. Meetup.com remains a popular resource for joining groups and attending events centered around hobbies and activities. Meetup allows users to find local groups based on interests ranging from hiking and book clubs to coding and board games.
Experts also suggest simple strategies for strengthening existing friendships and cultivating new ones. These include being proactive about reaching out to people, scheduling regular check-ins, and being vulnerable and authentic in interactions. Franco emphasizes the importance of reciprocity in friendships – both parties need to invest time and effort to maintain the connection.
The rise of these initiatives reflects a growing awareness of the importance of social connection for overall well-being. Research consistently demonstrates that strong social relationships are linked to improved mental and physical health, increased longevity, and a greater sense of purpose. Loneliness, has been associated with a range of negative health outcomes, including increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and depression.
The Role of Technology and Changing Social Norms
The paradox of the digital age is that while technology connects us in many ways, it can also contribute to feelings of isolation. Social media can create a curated version of reality, leading to social comparison and feelings of inadequacy. Spending excessive time online can detract from opportunities for face-to-face interactions, which are crucial for building deep and meaningful relationships.
Changing social norms also play a role. Historically, communities provided built-in opportunities for social interaction through churches, schools, and local organizations. However, these institutions have declined in influence in recent decades, leaving individuals more responsible for actively creating their own social networks. The stigma surrounding admitting loneliness or actively seeking friendship has also begun to diminish, paving the way for initiatives like speed friending to gain acceptance.
The success of these events and platforms hinges on a willingness to be vulnerable and put oneself out there. It requires overcoming the fear of rejection and embracing the possibility of forming new connections. For many, the potential rewards – a supportive network of friends and a greater sense of belonging – are well worth the effort.
Organizers are planning to expand the speed friending concept to other cities, and interest in similar events is growing nationwide. The next scheduled event in Washington, D.C., is set for November 18th at the same Columbia Heights cafe, with registration opening next week. Those interested in learning more about friendship-building resources can find information on Marisa Franco’s website, marisafranco.com.
As the conversation around loneliness and social connection continues to evolve, initiatives like speed friending offer a tangible solution for individuals seeking to build meaningful platonic relationships. The events represent a proactive approach to combating the “friendship recession” and fostering a greater sense of community in an increasingly disconnected world.
What are your thoughts on the challenges of making friends as an adult? Share your experiences and ideas in the comments below, and please share this article with anyone who might find it helpful.
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