College FootballS Bottom 10: Taylor Swift, Chile Roasters, and a Whole Lot of Losing
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As October arrives, and with Taylor Swift’s new album, “the Life of a Showgirl,” dropping on October 3rd, one thing is certain: manny college football fans have already spent considerable time anticipating both musical releases and on-field struggles. Located “beneath the pile of regret RSVP cards at Rece Davis’ house,” the “Bottom 10 Headquarters” has assessed the landscape, and the results are, predictably, bleak for some.
The “Era” of Disappointment
This week’s college football schedule offers a unique soundtrack, blending swift’s latest hits with the fight songs of struggling programs. According to one observer,the Charlotte 1-and-3’ers,San No-sé State,and colora-duh State are all writing their own “Bottom 10’s Version” of their “Reputation” for “Evermore.” The shift in how fans consume music mirrors the changing landscape of college football itself. as the author notes, “we can download them to our phones…our pocket computers,” a far cry from waiting in line for records like in “1989.”
The Bottom 10
- Charlotte 49ers: Despite a near-win against undefeated Houston Not Sam Houston. They now face Appalachian State in Boone, North Carolina, where a past camping trip resulted in a food theft by actual beavers.
- Penn State Nittany Lions: Despite a “White Out” game, Penn State suffered a top-10 loss to Oregon. One analyst observed that head coach James Franklin seemingly used “virtual Wite-Out” to reframe the narrative surrounding his record against top-10 opponents.
- Oklahoma State Cowboys: After omitting Oklahoma State last week following a loss and a coaching change, the author admits it was a mistake, spurred by insistent DMs and texts, even one from “Gundy, M.”
- San José State Spartans: One of four Mountain West teams at 1-3, the Spartans secured this spot due to actually playing a game last weekend and a narrow loss to Stanfird. They face New Mexico this week, with the Lobos potentially suffering from “upset tummies” after sampling from college football’s new rivalry trophy, the Chile Roaster.
- New Mexico-New Mexico State Rivalry: A senior official emphasized the need for greater national attention to the new chile roaster trophy. https://twitter.com/ESPNMcGee/status/1710489999999999999
- Ball State Huskies: Tied with several other teams at 1-and-something, the Huskies earned this spot by actually playing a game and losing a close contest to San Diego State, 6-3. They will host My Hammy of Ohio this week.
- Arkansas State Red Wolves: Another team stuck at 1-and-something, the Red Wolves lost to ULM and still bear the weight of a 42-point loss to Arkansaw earlier in the season.
waiting in the Wings
Several teams are on the cusp of joining the Bottom 10, including State of Kent, UTEPid, Muddled Tennessee State, Northworstern, FA(not I)U, Bah-stan Cawledge, Clempson, Flori-duh, Georgia State Not Southern, Colora-duh state, No-vada, Stanfird, My Hammy of Ohio, South Alabama Redundancies, Give me Liberty Or Give Me 1-4, Akronmonious, and Baller State. The author also laments a college football world without Sam Pittman.
As the season progresses, the Bottom 10 will continue to chronicle the struggles and, occasionally, the surprises of college football’s most challenged programs, all while acknowledging the enduring power of a good playlist – whether it’s Taylor Swift or a spirited fight song.
