2024-03-06 07:49:49
The psychologist Sergio García Soriano, in a new installment of his series “Psychology of everyday life”, analyzes falling in love and gives some keys to the evolution and development of this feeling.
In mythology, love/falling in love has always been represented with the image of Cupid blindfolded and with arrows of instant love and indifference. “Falling in love can be a state of temporary madness,” they said from philosophy.
But what does science say about falling in love?
First phase of love
First of all, falling in love is the first phase of love, then comes intimacy love and commitment love.
Falling in love itself is ephemeral, lasting between 6 months and 2 years. There is an “idealization” of the other person, that is, only their virtues are seen. It is the stage where romanticism is most acute and sexual passion reigns.
It is a stage where there are hardly any conflicts between the couple.
In love, people feel the need to always be together, they never want to stop seeing each other. They tend to abandon friendships and create a world that excludes other relationships, where each time the other asks for more time or more proof of love.
There is also physiological changes when the partner appears, such as an increase in heart rate, greater dilation of the pupils and more sweating. These bodily changes make people think that there is a strong connection between the couple. And the fantasy of reciprocity is common.
However, there is also an idea of appropriation of the other. It is thought of as having a series of obligations and as if it belonged to us.
End of falling in love and falling in love badly
End of falling in love. The feeling of passion and attraction begins to decline and the other person’s flaws become apparent. Furthermore, you stop worrying so intensely about the other person’s affairs to pay attention to other “own” matters.
When we say “falling in love badly” we would have to think about who gives this idea. Do parents who are overprotective of their son/daughter say it? Is there classism because it is a couple from a different social stratum? Is there racism? Are they from enemy Capulet/Montesques families? Or is it really a “toxic” couple?
To know if one has fallen in love well or badly, you generally have to wait for the end of falling in love because this is an entrance to “love.”
And we will know that there is love if there is a medium-term and long-term couple or family project with mutual care and attention plus the incorporation of the future project.
The psychologist Sergio García Soriano / Photo provided
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