2023-09-13 14:00:38
Good self-esteem in children is important, as it can determine their adult life. Therefore, we will reveal to you how parents should be attentive to what we do and say about our children.
Last update: September 13, 2023
Sometimes, parents themselves can contribute to their children’s low self-esteem, through certain words and actions. Next, we will learn what they are and what would be the most appropriate way to, instead of reducing it, contribute to its strengthening.
What is self-esteem and what can affect it?
Self-esteem is a concept that refers to the degree of value that the person has about himself. That is, how we perceive ourselves; although it also implies how we think others see us.
However, Different factors can influence this assessment.. Some of these are specific to the individual and others come from the environment, especially from close or significant people: parents, teachers, siblings, partners, friends.
Thus, in the construction of self-esteem Both the result of personal experiences and the different messages are keywhether issued directly by those around us or indirectly, through different media.
Low self-esteem in children
A person with good self-esteem is satisfied with himself. Not only has built a positive self-concept, but is realistic, in the sense of not exaggerating one’s own abilities or weaknesses. And excess self-love is not healthy either.
On the other hand, children with low self-esteem may show some of the following attitudes or behaviors:
they have a negative image of themselves; they do not trust their ability to make decisions; they feel insecure about tackling tasks; They tend to compare themselves and feel inferior to others; they think they are not wanted or that they should be rejected; they have a pessimistic view of the future; They are very critical of themselves; show dependence and submission; they do not feel well when they are with other people; They show few social skills. Although, sometimes, they can join unsuitable groups (gangs); they may have academic or behavioral problems at school; they experience situations of stress, anxiety and depression; They do not have emotional tools to solve their problems.
How do parents lower their children’s self-esteem?
The family environment usually contributes positively or negatively to children’s self-esteem. The values that parents and other adults convey in their messages, as well as their reactions to problems or the way they reprimand children, can damage their self-esteem. Let’s see in more details.
Perfectionism
Always demand perfection in everything, with respect to dressing, eating, speaking, academic performance, as well as establishing inflexible standards, contributes to the idea that nothing the child does is enough.
harsh parents
Closely related to the previous point, parents who scold, constantly, can foster in children the perception that they do nothing well. It is true that we want our children to strive and be successful, but damaging self-esteem is a very high price to pay.
They criticize in public
And even worse is making criticisms in public. There are parents who think that if they are embarrassed in front of others, their children will not behave badly again.. But, on the contrary, exposing them to this kind of humiliation affects their mood and the image they build of themselves.
Make comparisons
Another situation that is hateful and makes children feel less than they are, is the fact of comparing them with siblings or other children, believing that this will serve as an example for them. Anyone who hears these kinds of messages incessantly may assume that they are worthless, or that their parents don’t love them and prefer the other person.
Remind them of mistakes
Once children make a mistake and remedy the situation, or apologize and show that they have learned from the mistake, It is good to let them move on, without reproaching them. Reminding them of their mistakes, over and over again, only serves to damage the children’s self-esteem, causing them to grow up in insecurity.
Exempt them from responsibilities
Not letting them participate in activities, because it is thought that they do not know or cannot do it, is the best way to make them feel incompetent. On the contrary, assigning them responsibilities appropriate to their age will allow them to discover that they are autonomous and capable to resolve situations on their own.
Do things for them instead
In the same order of ideas, if we usually do things for them, children will grow up with the idea that they are dependent. Not only can this damage their self-esteem, but they will find themselves in serious difficulties when they are adults and have to try to solve their problems.
Prevent them from making mistakes
Overprotective parents prevent their children from making mistakes, experiencing failures or disappointments. But with This also prevents them from developing necessary life skills.. And we must understand that, if anything fosters our self-esteem, it is seeing that we are capable of taking care of ourselves.
Don’t let them experience emotions
No parent wants to see that their child is sad or discouraged, because something did not go the way they wanted. And he may resort to some trick to try to cheer you up. But this is not positive, since we are taking away the opportunity to learn to deal with their own emotions and self-regulate.
Too many expectations
The opposite extreme can mean setting too many expectations and pressuring them to achieve certain goals. If they don’t succeed, they will become frustrated and feel like they have let their parents down. or to other people. In other words, it is about placing too high a demand on the child that, if it cannot be satisfied, generates discomfort and emotions that undermine the child’s vision of himself.
Use irony and sarcasm
Perhaps at a young age the child may not clearly perceive the hidden meaning of certain expressions, such as irony and sarcasm. But, as he grows, he begins to notice that when he makes a mistake and hears expressions like “great,” “how nice,” or “how wonderful,” they are not saying a compliment to him, but rather something that You can do it feel disqualified.
To insult
Insulting is the worst form of disqualification. Clear, There are several levels of insults. But they all have a negative impact. on the children’s self-esteem, causing them to despise themselves and consider themselves incapable.
How to strengthen children’s self-esteem?
Just as there are several ways to affect children’s self-esteem, there are many others to reinforce it. Let’s look at some examples:
Validate him, tell him that we love him and are proud. It should not be taken for granted that we love them. You have to express it, with words, hugs, caresses, kisses. And also show a smile when you see them. Instead of comparing, let them know what their talents and abilities are, since no one is equal to anyone else and everyone has their abilities. Take the time to calmly explain to them where they were wrong, without disqualifying them. This also makes them feel taken into account and reinforces the idea that they can improve within their possibilities. Encourage them to have goals and purposes. But let them be yours and not ours. Allow them to enjoy their childhood, without demanding more from them regarding success in a sport or other activity, teaching them that value is not only in the result. Or as Mahatma Gandhi stated: “a total effort is a complete victory.” Have confidence in them and their abilities. You have to give them opportunities to learn, even if they make mistakes. After all, no one was born knowing everything. If we are going to scold them, don’t focus on the person but on the action. That is, commenting that what he did was wrong, instead of telling the child that he is careless, irresponsible, forgetful, or worse. And of course, never talk about any of this in public, but rather discuss the matter with them in a separate place.
The art of parenting
As parents we must be very careful with the messages we send to children. We must not forget that They see us as adults who know what they are talking about.; and what we tell them they may end up believing.
Of course, just as it is a learning experience for them, it is also a learning experience for us. Being parents is a complicated task. And we are discovering, every day, a little more. However, there is a fundamental principle that we must not forget: treat others as you want to be treated.
So, when we have to say something to our children, we should reflect on how we would feel in their place. This way we will help them have good self-esteem when they are older. After all, It should be less complicated to form a good image in the child than to repair the adult.
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