2023-05-31 20:45:10
One of the biggest problems we face as adults is the relationship we have or hope to have with our parents. And this is where many people wonder how to know i’m carrying my mother.
Well, we tell you some things you should know to identify if you are carrying it and in what sense you are doing it.
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How do you know if you have a toxic relationship with your mother?
According to the American Psychological Associationtoxic relationships between fathers, mothers and adult children can trigger different problems throughout the lives of both, making it difficult for the adult child to bond or relate correctly with more people.
A healthy parent-child relationship should result in a person who is independent, confident, with good self-esteem and not afraid of commitment, while a harmful parent-child relationship can lead to issues of safety, self-esteem, and empathy.
And before continuing, it is good to clarify that in many cases, the damage caused by parents is not intentional, because as the phrase “nobody teaches us to be parents” says and clearly neither do they, so you should keep in mind that It is probably about people who are equally or more injured than you.
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Some of the attitudes considered harmful or, popularly known as “toxic” between mothers and children are:
- Ignoring or avoiding their children: Many times mothers justify this attitude by saying that they are tired, however, this type of action only makes the person feel invalidated or that what they have to say “is not worth it” because they do not receive response from his mother.
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” target=”_blank”>Taunting: Another harmful or toxic trait that some mothers have is using teasing as a way of coexistence, this has a negative impact on the person because it creates insecurities that are difficult to solve.
- Manipulation: This trait is quite common in toxic relationships with mothers, it is usually expressed when they deny or invalidate what the son has said or done, making him doubt what he said or did, despite knowing that he did. did.
- Comparisons: Mothers who do this usually spend their time belittling their children and mentioning other people’s virtues that their children do not have.
- Victimism: This is usually easy to identify. Mothers appeal to their children’s guilt to make themselves less in front of them and get what they want, for example, not to go out with their partner or to spend more time with them.
And these are just a few examples of toxic traits in your relationship with your mother because there may be different levels of intensity or even harmful attitudes that are not on this list.
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How to know if your mother mistreats you psychologically?
There are many signs that you are being psychologically abused and many have to do with the discomfort generated by certain attitudes or words from your mother.
Some signs that this is happening are:
- You feel responsible or guilty all the time for what happens to him
- You feel violated or uncomfortable with their responses or actions
- You feel that their needs come before yours and that there is no room for you
- You feel guilty when you set a limit because you immediately become the victim even though you know that you set the limit for your own good
- She takes over the conversations, doesn’t allow you to speak or if you do, turns the subject back on her or something of interest to her
And although there are many more types of signs that are varied and difficult to identify, this list can give you an idea about what you are experiencing.
Feeling some of this constant discomfort or feeling worthless is one way you can knowing that you are carrying your motheror at least, loads with the wounds that have left you unintentionally or intentionally.
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What does it mean to not respect my mother’s adulthood?
Now, it is important to touch on another topic that happens even if your mother has not had “toxic” attitudes with you, and we mean when you are emotionally charged with your mother.
In other words, there is a phenomenon in which you feel responsible for the decisions your mom makes because you don’t trust her to make the right decision according to your criteria.
When this happens and you begin to decide or take responsibility for your mother’s decisions, responsibilities and even emotions, it is when it is said that you become “your mother’s mother” because you do not respect that she is an adult and capable of deciding what that she considers best for herself.
In fact, if you start taking charge of her emotional responsibilities, you can end up in a vicious cycle where she stops taking responsibility because she knows you are going to save her or “carry her” and then stops caring about herself because she knows that you are going to do it.
And although this may not sound serious, the reality is that it can have consequences that negatively impact your life, because you can stop doing things or plans to seek the well-being of your mother, who has placed all the responsibility and weight on your decisions for the two.
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How can I respect my mother’s adulthood without feeling responsible?
The most important thing is that you learn that it is normal to be afraid of disappointing her or of feeling that you are a “bad son” and the best way to respect your mother’s adulthood and improve your relationship with her without feeling guilty is to let go.
Accepting that your mother is an adult person who will choose what she wants, just like you do every day, understanding that she can also be wrong and can be right, just like you when you make a decision.
Remember that one of the greatest gifts you can give to your mother and to yourself is to achieve that independence and individual well-being, as well as respect for your mother’s life and intelligence.
And although it may seem challenging, understanding your limits and those of your mother can bring you benefits in the short, medium and long term in which you can build a healthy bond with who gave you life.
Since we tell you more about how to know i’m carrying my mother and the ways in which you can free yourself, we leave you a video on how to identify the signs of abuse between parents and children.
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