On set he is a film star, at home he is a father of three. Tom Schilling talks to t-online about a mindful life, a better world and outdated clichés.
In “A Million Minutes” earlier this year, Tom Schilling played a family man who doesn’t spend enough time with his children. Almost ten months later, the actor flickers across the screens with the Netflix series “Achtsam morden”.
In the crime comedy, the 42-year-old plays the lawyer Björn Diemel, who uses mindfulness training to easily get rid of unpleasant problems – and can therefore devote more time to his family.
Tom Schilling once again plays a character who is not there enough for his wife and child. Is this a stereotype that fathers often struggle with? t-online asked the film star and father of three and spoke to him about mindfulness and clichés.
Tom Schilling: The person who tries to be careful is to leave out everything that we interpret into things that aren’t even there. Mindful people only treat everyone with the greatest benevolence. If more people lived mindfully, the world would be a better place.
No not really. You can’t be a mindful person overnight. These are always baby steps, small tasks for the day. But at least now I sometimes notice situations in which I wasn’t paying attention. That’s something.
When I pick my children up from school and they want to tell me something and I’m only listening with half an ear. Or I’m at an interview and I’m still thinking about the interview from before.
I generally wish I could live more mindfully. With mindfulness you simply feel much better. Because you are a much friendlier and more lovable person when you are more in the moment.
In road traffic. Every time you get upset, you are stressed. But why not just give us a friendly wave when someone gives us the right of way? Maybe that would start something.
In the series Mindful Murder, you play a man who is able to cover up a murder because he has learned to be mindful. Seen this way, mindfulness is not a positive force per se, is it?
Mindfulness can be a very powerful tool. But hopefully no one wants to kill their boss, their client or their work colleague so that they can feel better themselves.
Well, I can think of a few people for whom this is the case. Lately you’ve been playing fathers more often who have little time for their children, including in “Achtsam morden”. Is this just a cliché or is it still the case?
Perhaps it is now a cliché that women focus more on the family and make time for them. A lot has certainly changed in recent years.
Today, mothers work just as much as fathers. You simply share the work more and don’t assume that one person somehow works more and the other takes more care of the children.
Title: A Mindful Conversation: Tom Schilling on Balancing Family and Fame
Interviewer: Welcome, Tom! It’s great to have you here. Your recent work in the Netflix series Achtsam morden has captured a lot of attention. You play Björn Diemel, a lawyer who uses mindfulness to navigate life’s challenges. Can you start by telling us how you approached this character, especially considering the complexities of mindfulness in such an unusual context?
Tom Schilling: Thanks for having me! Björn is a fascinating character because he embodies the struggle many modern fathers face—the desire to be present for their loved ones while juggling professional pressures. Mindfulness for him is a tool, but it’s intriguing to explore how it can be twisted in morally ambiguous ways. It raises the question of whether mindfulness is truly a positive force if misused.
Interviewer: That’s a great point. In your previous project, A Million Minutes, you portrayed a father who fails to spend enough time with his children. Do you think this stereotype of the absent father is something that resonates with many people today?
Tom Schilling: Absolutely. This cliché is deeply ingrained in our culture. Many fathers feel like they are constantly pulled in multiple directions—work commitments, societal expectations, and family responsibilities. It’s crucial to challenge that narrative and recognize the importance of being present. Ultimately, it’s about finding that balance and redefining what it means to be a good father in today’s world.
Interviewer: In your view, what role does mindfulness play in overcoming these outdated clichés?
Tom Schilling: Mindfulness invites us to approach each moment with full awareness and acceptance. It encourages kindness—not only toward others but also toward ourselves. By being more mindful, we can begin to dismantle those stereotypes. Imagine if every father took just a moment to genuinely listen to their child when they return from school. That’s a small step, but it can lead to more significant changes in relationships and, ultimately, in society.
Interviewer: You mentioned in previous discussions that mindfulness isn’t something you master overnight. Can you share an example from your own life where you’ve applied mindfulness, perhaps in your role as a father?
Tom Schilling: Sure! There are moments when I’m picking up my kids from school, and instead of being half-present—thinking about the interview I’m in or something else—I make a conscious effort to focus on them. It’s challenging, but even acknowledging that I was distracted is a step in the right direction. When I’m fully engaged, it changes the nature of our interaction. It cultivates a more loving and open atmosphere.
Interviewer: That sounds impactful. You also touched on a broader societal context—how can simple gestures of mindfulness, like a friendly wave in traffic, lead to larger positive changes?
Tom Schilling: It all boils down to creating a culture of kindness and understanding. When individuals model thoughtful behavior, it inspires others to do the same. A friendly wave might seem trivial, but it’s a way to humanize the interactions we have with others. Small gestures can ripple out, promoting a kinder society. If we all took baby steps toward mindfulness, the world would undoubtedly become a better place.
Interviewer: It’s inspiring to hear you emphasize the importance of connection. Lastly, do you have a message for your fans who might struggle with balancing their personal and professional lives?
Tom Schilling: Absolutely! It’s essential to give yourself grace as you pursue mindfulness. Remember, it’s a journey filled with baby steps and setbacks. Aim to be present in small moments, and be intentional in your actions. We’re all human, after all, and perfection isn’t the goal—just being a little more aware can create a better experience for everyone involved.
Interviewer: Thank you, Tom, for sharing your insights. Your perspective on mindfulness not only resonates with your roles but also offers valuable lessons for all of us in our journey through life.
Tom Schilling: Thank you for having me! It’s been a pleasure to discuss these important topics.