EGI – Your relationship with money will change when you get married. And it will be the person you choose to have next to you who will influence your relationship with your wallet, your ability and willingness to spend or accumulate savings. This is claimed by some researchers from various American universities, interviewed by the Wall Street Journal, who explain how usually “We tend to choose our partner based on shared values, common traits, and other similarities” but not out of financial affinity.
“In the style with which you manage your financial resources” explains Jenny Olson, a researcher at the University of Indiana “the argument that opposites attract is more valid. We are more attracted to people who can control our strict money rules“.
In short, we are looking for someone who can balance our excesses. “Those who feel that they are saving too much, realizing that they are not using their earnings enough to enjoy life, may seek out a partner who will help them feel more comfortable with occasional, unplanned spending.”
Over time this causes both personalities to mutate over time. “Years go by and spouses” so different at the time of the union for life “find themselves becoming more and more alike. The ‘spenders’ married to the so-called ‘stingy’, and vice versa, adapt to the diversity of their partners and succeed, little by little, learning from each other,” says Scott Rick, a marketing professor at the University of Michigan and an expert in marital finance management.
This convergence of characters, sanctioned by the compromise, is also decisive for the duration of the marriage.”Spouses who fail to change their attitudes have more difficulty in the relationship and those marriages are likely to be more fragile, more likely to end in divorce,” adds Rick, citing a study he did on over 1,300 couples that will be featured in a forthcoming book.
Take risks and change your life
The American newspaper exemplifies this discourse with real stories of mutual influence that demonstrate how an economically balanced life as a couple gives more advantages than singles. In fact, in 2019, the net worth of married couples between the ages of 25 and 34 was almost nine times higher than the net worth of singles, according to research by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis.
All this can also bring benefits from the point of view of the choices that can be made thinking about one’s career. Kristen James, a 33-year-old product manager from Austin, Texas, explained how her husband, Ben, a 35-year-old startup co-founder, changed her life also thanks to the diametrically opposite approach to managing the money. She is much more conservative, he is much more prone to investment risk.
Kirsten explained how, after discussing the subject with her partner, she decided to totally change her life by dedicating herself to the technology sector and thus earning more money. “Without my husband’s encouragement,” she says, “I would never have felt so confident” about turning her life upside down. “You are worth much more than what you earn” is the phrase that prompted her to take more risks and really put herself to the test.
This is an example of how it’s equally crucial for couples to communicate about differences in financial mindsets. Matt Lundquist, psychotherapist and clinical director of Tribeca Therapy in New York, explains that “the candid confrontation makes both of you more capable of making decisions together, however boring this practice may initially seem.”
Dialogue and equal duties
For Adrian Ward, a marketing professor at the University of Texas at Austin, “talk in pairs” about economic issues “also avoids the imbalance of power that arises when one partner takes over the management of money for the whole family “. In his research for him, he has found that often one partner takes care of finances not because he is better equipped to do it, but because he has more time for the job. This is a process, however, which tends “to exclude the other partner from the decision-making process”, a behavior which in the long run undermines the stability of the couple.
The latest advice reported by the WSJ is that of Marcella Mollon-Williams, a behavioral financial consultant, specialized in organizing financial advice sessions for future spouses. “The main problem is that couples talk too much things one partner wants the other to avoid doing with money, instead of things they could do together”. Therefore, the approach must be proactive: “When you start dreaming together, identifying the things that money can buy to make you feel good, everything will become easier. It’s like looking forward and then working backwards”.