A separation is one of the most stressful situations a couple can go through, especially if there are children involved, because Separations and divorces are particularly traumatic for them. The parents’ initial attitude is fundamental for their children to adapt to the new reality as soon as possible.
A separation process will have repercussions on the lives of the children of psycho-emotional, academic, social and economic. Psychoemotional conflicts, in principle the most important, usually arise from feelings of abandonment due to the lack of understanding of what is happening, of the reason why one of the parents leaves the house, explains the Spanish Association of Pediatrics (AEP).
“It will be there feelings of frustration and helplessness for all routine changes that occur in the daily lives of minors; feelings of guilt if the causes have not been clearly explained to them; feelings of rejection towards parents because they dedicate less time to him”, explain the paediatricians in the help manual We separate: how to help our children.
In case of divorce or separation the child will express his emotional distress in different ways: emotional problems, somatizations, behavioral problems, elimination disorders, sleep disorders and even accidents.
calm and love
Symptoms usually vary depending on the age and sex of the child. For example, divorce has a particular impact on adolescence; girls suffer more from anxiety and depression; and boys have more behavioral problems.
It is important that children feel that their parents have taken their needs into consideration and have reached stable agreements.”
It is a moment of enormous complexity in which we do not know how to act; where we must proceed with caution so as not to harm anyone, neither the spouse who is no longer a spouse, nor the children. “It is important for parents to remain calm, showing love and protection towards their children, and this They perceive that their parents have taken their needs into consideration reach stable agreements”, reads the AEP document.
Do
The worst thing is not understanding what is happening: why dad or mom leaves the house. Uncertainties always create stress. If children do not understand the situation, the risk is that they will experience feelings of abandonment. In short, parents need to clearly explain what the situation will be.
If the parent does not habitually respect the visitation regime assigned to him because care and custody have been entrusted to the other, this will cause feelings of sadness and abandonment in the child, since he will think that he is not important to him. his mother. Therefore, it is important that parents respect the visiting regime. On the contrary, when a shared custody and custody regime is in place, there tends to be a more stable relationship with a better emotional bond between child and parents.
If custody is not shared, the custodial parent should not impede visits with the noncustodial parent, the AEP document clarifies. The ideal is for there to be flexibility, being able to make specific changes by mutual agreement based on needs or circumstances that may arise.

What not to do
It hurts every child when another person speaks badly of their mother or father, but even more so if one parent speaks badly of the other. If one parent habitually speaks badly of the other, there is a risk that the child will refuse to maintain an emotional relationship with that parent (unless there is a justified cause such as abuse). On the contrary, we must try to remember the other’s strong or positive points, and mention them, especially if they have previously been criticized.
The other parent’s decisions should not be criticized in the presence of the children, discrediting them. If there are educational discrepancies, it is essential that parents reach agreements, negotiating them in the absence of their children.
How can parents effectively communicate with their children about separation and divorce?
Interview Between Time.news Editor and Child Psychology Expert
Time.news Editor: Welcome to Time.news! Today we are diving into a topic that affects many families: separation and divorce. To help us understand the complex emotional landscape that children navigate during such times, we have Child Psychology Expert, Dr. Elena Ruiz, with us. Thank you for joining us, Dr. Ruiz.
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Thank you for having me. It’s a crucial issue that deserves attention, especially when children are involved.
Time.news Editor: Absolutely. In your experience, what are the main emotional impacts of separation on children?
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Separation can be profoundly traumatic for children. They often experience psycho-emotional conflicts stemming from feelings of abandonment and confusion regarding the changes in their lives. The lack of clear communication from parents can exacerbate these feelings, leading to frustration, guilt, and even rejection towards one or both parents.
Time.news Editor: That’s very insightful. The article mentions that these emotional conflicts can manifest in various ways. Can you elaborate on the different symptoms you observe based on age and gender?
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Certainly. Young children might demonstrate emotional distress through somatic complaints or behavioral changes, such as withdrawal or aggression. Adolescents, however, can experience more nuanced reactions. For example, girls often show heightened anxiety and depression, while boys may act out or exhibit behavioral problems. This variability underscores the importance of recognizing each child’s unique response to their parents’ separation.
Time.news Editor: It sounds like open communication is key. The article emphasizes the need for parents to explain the situation clearly. How can parents best facilitate this understanding for their children?
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Parents should foster a calm environment where feelings of stress and uncertainty are minimized. Clear, age-appropriate explanations about the situation help children process what’s happening. When parents openly discuss the reasons behind the separation and assure their children that they are still loved, it can mitigate feelings of abandonment.
Time.news Editor: That makes sense. The article also discusses the importance of stable agreements between parents. What role do these agreements play in a child’s emotional well-being?
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Stable agreements on custody and visitation can significantly enhance a child’s sense of security. When children see that their parents are cooperating and prioritizing their needs, it helps them feel valued and important. Conversely, disruptions to visitation or care arrangements often lead to feelings of sadness and rejection.
Time.news Editor: It’s a delicate balance, isn’t it? Lastly, what final advice would you give to parents navigating this challenging time?
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Parents need to remember to remain calm and supportive. Showing love and understanding towards their children is essential. Children are incredibly perceptive; they pick up on their parents’ emotions. By prioritizing open communication, stability, and mutual respect, parents can help their children adapt more successfully to the new family dynamics.
Time.news Editor: Thank you, Dr. Ruiz, for your valuable insights. It’s clear that understanding and addressing the emotional needs of children during separation is vital. We appreciate you sharing your expertise.
Dr. Elena Ruiz: Thank you for having me. I hope this information helps parents create a healthier environment for their children during these challenging times.