2024-03-25 14:04:21
Words make suggestions, don’t use conditional mood and annoying clichés like “If you allow me to note”
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It seems to you that you show respect to your interlocutors if you do not sound assertive and cocky. Therefore, you use such expressions learned from childhood, which should demonstrate your attention to other people’s opinion.
But with them you present yourself as insecure people, say psychologists.
o You go to your boss to ask for a raise or a step up in the hierarchy. You politely tell him: “You should take into account that for the last month I have brought the company 100,000 BGN more than planned, and raise my salary.”
This is wrong wording. The correct one is: “You will certainly take into account that for the last month I have brought the company 100,000 BGN of revenue above the planned, and you will raise my salary.”
The difference seems small, but the implications are radically different. In the first case, you call the boss to objectivity and use the so-called conditional mood in grammar, with which you express doubt. In the second case, you assert that your superior will act objectively.
You sound even worse if you start with “Maybe” or “I hope”. All these phrases are a sign of insecurity.
Don’t procrastinate, start “For sure”. It’s precisely because you’re confident in your contribution that you’ve gone to ask for a raise or promotion. There is no shame in asserting oneself when one has something to do.
If you want to be persuasive, avoid grammatical constructions with “bi”. It is not by chance that they are called conditional. They don’t show the richness of your language, they express insecurity.
o At a meeting you want to state your opinion. You start “I could be wrong, but I think…” You may be wrong because you are busying your boss and colleagues. If you had checked, then talk.
Actually no, you’re just saying that because it makes you seem more intelligent that way. But for a good professional, there is no shame in showing confidence and declaring “I think so” or even “I’m sure that”.
If you want to be heard, show confidence in your rightness. And if you want to ask a question for discussion, start otherwise: “Do you think that…”
If you hope to avoid responsibility with “I may be wrong”, you achieve nothing of the sort. Detour is not insurance. It just makes a bad impression in business circles.
o An annoying expression is “I will try to present/convince/summarize”, for example. A kinder interlocutor will only think, and someone less kind will say frankly: “We are not here to try. If you can, present/convince/summarize. If you can’t, don’t waste our time”.
For your interlocutors to notice your professional confidence, give in plain text: “I will present/convince/summarize”. And finally ask “Do you have any questions”, “Do you agree with this summary”, etc. This is a much better way to show that you are not snobbish and that you care about their opinion. With “I’ll try” you don’t respect anyone, you only humiliate yourself.
o “If you will allow me to point out”, “to object”, “to disagree with you”, “to specify” and other such gallantry are old-fashioned. To business people, they don’t sound sophisticated, like from some retro gentleman’s school of etiquette, but like a waste of time in vain interjections. In “If I may point out, I disagree with you”, there are as many stray words as there are substantive ones, which means that half the seconds are wasted.
There is no doubt that the expression “if you allow” betrays timidity. (Unless you’re using your tone to show that you’re putting a touch of irony into it.) If you want to draw attention, at least say “May I point out/object” – it sounds more confident.
Thus, the eliminations and the possibility that a more nervous interlocutor or your boss, after “If you allow”, will quickly interrupt you with “I do not allow”.
o Interjections such as “Let’s see” and “Okay” – slightly drawn out and with a pause after – are a well-known way of buying time. In this sense, they show uncertainty. Use them in a conversation only when you really need a few seconds to think.
When you insert such expressions very often, your interlocutors will feel that you are not convincing enough in what you are saying.
In “The Right Man” you can read more:
And the fear of disapproval is scary
When you have a boss like Winnie the Pooh
How much to ask so you don’t look professionally incompetent
6 signs you’re screwing up conflict at work
How to impress your boss and colleagues in 5 minutes with the halo effect
A Guide to Surviving a Rude Co-worker
Why self-flagellation like “I’m a failure” is harmful, even in the face of great failure
10 Tricks to Take from Politicians to Succeed
How to complain to your boss without crying
7 techniques to know if you can trust a colleague
A trick to parry a detractor with the Franklin effect
Learned Helplessness – Get Rid of It to Succeed
Thriving with a Blue Ocean Strategy
How to put a “bait effect” so that the boss, colleagues and partners believe you
In the heat of the moment, act like a boss to become a boss